Boys Can Cook Too

There was a time when a girls place was considered to be in the kitchen and a boys place anywhere else, as long as it was as far from the kitchen as possible. But times have changed. Not only do young men need to know how to provide for themselves on a budget, many of them also enjoy cooking. Boys need to learn to cook so that they can be self-sufficient and capable of feeding themselves – no excuses. Plus, think how happy his future significant other will be to find out that he is a good cook. Unfortunately, many still believe that cooking is for women. How silly is that, since many of the best chefs are men.

When my boys are at their dad’s house he feeds them hot dogs with ramen noodles, scramble eggs and toast, or microwave meals. YUCK! So, my oldest has asked that I teach him how to cook so he can cook for his dad and brother when he’s there. Ever since he learned the finer points of the food pyramid, I think he’s concerned about keeping his girlish figure.

My kids like to help at a very young age, but I’ve often chased them from the kitchen believing their “help” will be more work for me. What I should have done instead is take the necessary precautions, teach them the rules of the kitchen, teach them to clean up after themselves, and supervise them constantly. Teaching children from a young age builds confidence. It also encourages them to try new things.

In addition to spending time with my boys and doing something I love, it is wonderful to watch them take so much pride in their cooking and manage to have fun in the process. This past weekend I taught Jonathan and Vinh how to make fettuccini alfredo, corn, and chocolate brownies and cake for dessert. The meal was a big hit!

Once boys thought they had no need for cooking skills. After all, they would grow up and marry a wife who would cook wonderful meals for them. There is no longer any guarantee that this will happen. With changing social patterns many young men remain single. If they don’t cook their own meal, no one else will do it for them. In these circumstances, boys who have been taught to cook while young have a definite financial and nutritional advantage when it comes to feeding themselves.

Even if young men do marry, there is no guarantee they will automatically be fed by loving wives. These days most marriages are partnerships, with both partners sharing responsibilities. These shared responsibilities should also include cooking a basic meal. Money goes a lot further when both partners are able to take their turn cooking simple, nutritious meals.

Boys will fare much better in their independent lives away from home if they can cook. By starting with simple tasks, such as boiling water and making toast, under parental guidance boys become comfortable in the kitchen. As they grow older they become more independent in the kitchen and learn to look after themselves. Mine have learned the art off “cooking” waffles in the toaster since the age of 3 so they wouldn't go hungry since I don't "do" breakfast.

It is my role to see that this independent confidence happens. When my sons leave home for the first time, I will have taught them to cook and will feel more relaxed, knowing that these boys have grown into young men who are at ease in the kitchen and who know how to make a meal other than hot dogs and ramen. I will know that I have given my sons skills that will enable them to survive both financially and socially in their new independent lives.

Stay in touch

In the last five years or so I’ve been notoriously bad at keeping in touch. It's not that I don't think of people, and it's not even that I don't think of getting in touch. It’s that there’s something that’s got to give and for me that has been hour long phone calls amongst a few other things.

Sometimes we get annoyed when we have a friend who never initiates an invitation or a phone call. Danielle, I’m reminded of you :) If it bothers you to always do the calling, but you truly value this friendship, maybe it’s time to forget about protocol. I have friends who I’ve known for 20 years and we always pick up where we left off when we see each other again but we can go for years without as much as a phone call. Again, Danielle, that’s you! *lol* Just because you’re the one who always calls does not necessarily mean that the friendship is one-sided. I have friends who are always so glad I called, or sent a birthday card, or wrote, but they rarely ever reciprocate. I do all the staying in touch. It’s not something I fully understand, except to say it’s the way these people are wired. I rarely worry that these girls aren't interested in a friendship with me. I honestly feel that I'd pick up on a vibe if that were indeed the case. Is that ballsy? Am I being a little too overconfident? Well, maybe, but I do think most of us can tell the difference between a friend who isn't good at keeping in touch, and a friend who wants us out of her life.

Think about it; perhaps there is someone who calls, emails, or generally seeks you out more than you do them. How does it make you feel when they call? You enjoy hearing from them, right? I love it!

You may think you’ll have time to stay in touch, and just as you’re about to reach out, your child (or children) needs help with a problem or your husband needs to vent about a work situation. You forget to call your friend during the time she was on your mind and just like that, weeks have passed. Don’t feel guilty! Our girlfriends understand that it’s important to put the needs of our family first. But don’t let this go on perpetually.

Why not contact someone, who you call friend, this week? Go through your address book and call.

I need to call Jen about her reduction and to catch up on gossip from Minnesota, Sheri since she just had a new baby, Michelle to update her on my life and to get her update, Megan to get the scoop on the new/old bf, Beth to check up on her, Twila to get news about my nephew and nieces, Lisa to wish her a Happy Birthday, Charel to ask how I can pray for her family, Danette because she needs to talk to me, and Shirleen to catch up since we’ve been playing phone tag for a month now! And that’s only half of my list! I think I’ll rely on Facebook and text for the rest.

Fabulous friendships can die through neglect. Don't allow this to happen to you. With Facebook, Skype, IMs, text, etc. there should be NO reason why I can’t stay in touch with my friends.

To quote from Nike, JUST DO IT!

Mr. B

Dear Mr. Braafladt,

It's not particularly hard to identify the most influential teachers in my life as I think about them time and time again, year after year. I had many. But one who stands out above the rest.

I walked into your English class trembling with fear because I had heard rumors about how strict you were from other students and those rumors were confirmed on the first day of school when you asked us to memorize our favorite poems and be prepared to discuss why it was our favorite. I still remember The Road Not Taken 20+ years later.

You were intelligent, thought-provoking, and interesting. You asked us questions that forced us to consider opinions and beliefs outside of ourselves. You helped me recognize a deep appreciation for writing. On a personal level, you began to invest in me as a student and friend. Your commitment to my learning, my confidence, and my overall well-being was a testament to your character.

I will never forget the many hours we spent in the classroom and on the school newspaper but mostly I remember how most of us were dedicated because it meant we could share more time with you. You encouraged me to always expect more from myself, to be honest and compassionate when dealing with others, and to use my gifts and talents to make the world a better place. As a student in your classroom, you showed me the impact one teacher can have. Thank you for being the teacher you are and were -- to students who needed you the most.

Even when I was struggling, you encouraged me. When I was confused, you believed in me. When I wanted to give up, you pushed me harder. In your classroom, I learned how to be a student, how to experience success.

Somewhere in the thousand "warm conversations" that you and I shared, you said something that has helped defined who I am as a person. You encouraged my love for reading and writing and that love never left me-I hope to instill that into my children. Every time I pick up a book I think of the man who made me think beyond my teenage years.

Thank You, Mr. Braafladt, for being one of the most challenging teachers that I ever had the chance to learn from.

Boys will be boys

Five short years ago my boys were sheltered from toy guns because I saw no need for them to PLAY with something meant to cause death and destruction.

Then we moved into our house. The house came with excellent neighbors, but with the neighbors came toy guns. My sons loved them -- the neighbors AND the guns.

What was I to do? If I banned toy guns all together, my sons would be left out of most neighborhood games. And even if I banned them, the damage was done: They had seen the guns and each wanted one.

I was advised by friends to not make it a big deal. Make it big deal, they said, and you'll only make things worse.

So I nervously watched while my innocent children played guns. I research the pros and cons of toy guns and breathed a sigh of relief a few days later when I wrapped it up. And after days of intense interest, the plastic guns lay forgotten next to the toy box while my sons once again watched the Disney channel.

If only I was to be so lucky.

The same sons are now 10 and 9 (along with their step-brother Jonathan who is 11) enjoy movies that have anything to do with lots of action and shooting the bad guys. They also have a BB guns, pellet guns, Nerf guns, and enjoy shooting targets at Cub Scout camps or down at the creek. One of their most favorite activities is to play war with Nerf guns in the dark. There is so much laughter and screaming it would give any mother a headache! Did I mention that it sounds like a herd of elephants upstairs too?

So no -- I don't have any advice for steering little boys away from guns. I do have some reassuring words, though. A fascination with guns does not mean your son is going to turn into a crazed homicidal maniac. It doesn't mean that your son is someday going to shoot up his school. It doesn't even mean he'll become a hunter.

In the world of hot parenting topics, boys and imaginary gunplay rank at the top. In a culture already filled with violent video games, TV programs, and images of a real war, it can be unnerving to see an innocent child pretending to kill someone. Yet no study has yet linked pretend gunplay to future violent behavior, and most child experts agree that by forbidding gunplay entirely, parents give it far more power and will probably drive it underground.

Assuming you’re willing to take their word for it, what should you do? How can you allow your kids to “experiment” and use their imagination, guns blazing, without losing your cool? Here are a few tips:

• Shaming Is Never Helpful. Despite our potential discomfort, we must be careful in how we deal with boys who want to play with pretend guns. “The last thing you want to do is shame your child – because that leads boys to mask their feelings and act with false bravado” warns William Pollack, Ph.D., author of Real Boys. Instead, ask open-ended questions about the gunplay, and even play along to better understand your child’s perspective.


• Clarify Your Values. A child participating in gunplay is usually yearning to understand power in relationships. By killing the “bad guys” he can, in his mind, exert some control over his world.

• Gun play helps boys learn the difference between real violence and fantasy violence. So says a study published in the American Journal of Play. Boys, as we've discussed before, are biologically prone to aggression. Pretend gun play gives them a chance to experiment with aggression and power without actually hurting anyone. It also gives them the chance to play the hero.

• Playing with guns helps boys develop a sense of their masculinity. I know -- I'm doubtful about this one too. But the author of the same study suggests that "boys play with guns is, in part, an important test or proof of their masculinity."

• Gun play helps boys process real violence. Nancy Carlsson-Paige, co-author of, Who's Calling the Shots? How to Respond Effectively to Children's Fascination with War Play and War Toys, says "If parents 'ban' gun play, they run the risk of cutting off a valuable vehicle children need for processing the violence [because] kids use their play to make meaning of what they have experienced in life, and in this case, of the violence they have seen." (Which can include everything from cartoons to TV shows, video games, and books.)

Take a deep breath and realize this is a stage, like any other. It doesn’t mean your child is destined for a life of crime. Curiosity and vulnerability often lie underneath our sons’ “Bang, Bang” bravado. This may be helpful to remember next time there’s a finger pointed in your direction.

Grad School Tips to Keep You Sane

One of the biggest challenges grad students face is dealing with the number of demands coming at them from different directions: class work, assignments, reading - combine that for some students with working full- or part-time, being married, and raising a family. As a grad student, wife, mother, friend, volunteer, taxi cab driver, daughter, sister, neighbor, etc. I’ve found that I’ve needed to set priorities and needed to relax in other areas like having a completely clean house. I’ve also reduced my cooking down to 3 or 4 days a week, the rest of the week are for left overs, frozen pizza, and popcorn chicken.

Keep healthy: While in grad school, it is essential that you take care of yourself physically, emotional and mentally; I recommend massages. Assess your energy level. If you are not getting enough sleep then you will not be able to retain as much information; I go to bed by 11. Graduate school faculty and administrators recommend that you try to keep some balance in your life while doing your graduate studies. Keep your perspective by getting enough rest, exercise, and eating a healthy diet; all easier said than done!

Schedule family time: Manage your time wisely because it will determine your success or failure. Some students find it helpful to schedule a regularly occurring date with their family and keep it no matter what; I plan time with husband around business trips. Be honest with your children and spouse about the amount of time you have available to them; this sometimes require you to drop what you’re doing to play a game of HORSE or to cuddle. Answering their questions and taking time to explain the situation can go a long way.

Get to know people: Make friends with the other students in your classes - these people are facing the same challenges you are. Create a support system among your classmates (Facebook is an awesome tool). You will find the reassurance, reminders and interaction that you get from the other students to be invaluable. The ability to establish good working relationships with your fellow students and faculty are also important. Every single person in your class is a potential contact in your field. You will need these contacts later as your career and experience develop.

Be organized: In graduate school, you are expected to attend classes. If you miss even one, you'll have a huge amount of work to catch up on. Plenty of learning in graduate studies comes from experiences rather than what you learn in class and read in your texts. But still be prepared to do considerably more reading and research than your undergrad experience. Learn to be organized. Have time and task management systems prepared ahead of time. Get a daytimer (since this is almost obsolete, most of us now use our smart phones), calendar or PDA that allows you to plug in deadlines, group meetings, family obligations, volunteer work, or mentoring/tutoring time. I have my calendar on my phone, at my desk at work, and at my desk at home. I know, I’ve been told I’m an obsessive compulsive.

Approach your studies with the right attitude: Think of graduate school as a job, rather than school. Take initiative in advancing your own skills and learning, much like in a job. Be prepared for more work and less fun than your undergrad years, but the learning will be more fulfilling. The main difference between graduate studies and undergrad is that you will actually apply what you've been learning in many different ways throughout the classes. If I'm honest, I must confess that I hope it brings in the prestige and big bucks!

As grad students we face many pressures. There are even more demands on time for those students with families and jobs. Reading, group meetings, and expectations of faculty are just a few of the pressures. Staying focused and being persistent are important skills needed to be successful in graduate school. We already have the intelligence and initiative.

Resolve to Laugh More in 2011

Research shows that laughter, the physiological response to humor, has a beneficial impact on one’s health. A good belly laugh leads to muscle relaxation, resulting in decreased tension. Humor also reduces the levels of stress hormones found in the blood — stress hormones can weaken the immune system, leading to increased potential for illness. To top it off, studies have shown that watching a 60-minute comedy can sufficiently increase immunoglobulin A, which protects against upper respiratory problems and increases the number of natural killer cells that seek out and destroy tumor cells in the body. Laughter has also been associated with pain reduction. It is theorized that this is due to the production of endorphins, the body’s natural pain killer, coupled with muscle relaxation.

In 2011, I have resolve to try and look at life’s frustrating and stressful situations with an eye for how I can re-frame and see the humor in the situation. With introspection, I realize that most of the time, I keep telling myself, “Let her (my7years old who dresses like Punky Brewster-Google and have yourself a good laugh) wear what she wants, someday, you’ll look back on this laugh.” One day I’ll look through these pictures of the many phases of Angelina’s attire and smile at the fond memories. Though, for the most part she’s a “mini me”, I find that I no longer have any say when it comes to her attire; she has her own sense of style and no one can teach her differently, though Christen and I have tirelessly and patiently tried. I picture myself someday telling these stories to my friends, family, and grandchildren, throw in a few added embellishments, and I can give myself and those around me more to laugh about.

So, if you’re not naturally funny, how can you go about adding fun, laughter, and happiness into your life? These health tips can help you develop your sense of humor!

• Hang funny cartoons or pictures where they will be a constant visual cue to smile (on the refrigerator, over your work desk, next to your bed).
• Find a good joke book at your library or bookstore, or search for jokes on the Internet. Learn one or two good ones and practice them on your friends. Schedule a joke night with family where everyone must tell a joke at dinner.
• Rent some funny movies.
• Try to see the humor in your own situation as much as possible.
• Laugh at yourself!

By the way, a doctor was reviewing his patient’s test results and called the patient’s wife to tell her of his findings. “Your husband is a very sick man — his cholesterol and blood pressure are very high and his diabetes is out of control. Unless you do what I tell you he will be dead in six months”.

“What should I do?” she asks.

“Remove all stress from his life, keep the house spotlessly clean, cook him three nutritious meals a day and have sex with him whenever he wants.”

The wife hung up the phone and said to her husband: “That was Dr. Smith with your test results.”

“What did he say?”

“He said you’re going to die.”

For my mother

What is a single mother? Is she a woman with much strength and love or pain and fear? Maybe she's the devil in disguise or perhaps the angel beneath the pain.

Could she be a single woman of much style and grace?

One thing is for certain; no one can understand what a single mother is unless they experience the feeling themselves. A single mother is a woman who is filled with everlasting, unconditional love, and words of wisdom to guide the way through life.

A single mother doesn't receive much credit today for the way she dedicates her life to working long hard hours and making time in her busy schedule to take care of what is hers. She goes through life trying so hard to do her best for her child, yet sometimes she feels as if the world is caving in.

I've had a single mother for thirty years of my life. It wasn't easy. I had to grow up quicker than most kids so that I could help my mother. Thoughts of not having a father became an issue from time to time, but today I wouldn't change it for the world!

When I was a little girl and I fell and scraped my knee; good old mom was there to doctor me up with her tender touch and loving care. She tucked me into bed at night and rubbed my belly when I was sick.

When the time came to cry, my mom had a way of showing me how to take my hanging head and hold it up high and proud. As adulthood moved in and romance became a part of my life, mother was often needed.

I fell in love and he broke my heart. I ran to my mother and poured out all my pain. I couldn't seem to conquer the fear of moving on and tears fell like the rain pouring down on a dark, gloomy day, but mom was always there.

She taught me how to disregard my fears, and she calmed my cries by showing me that life goes on. She told me "You have to accept what has gone wrong, forgive him and yourself and move on."

Some say a mother is one who bears children, one who cooks and cleans and that's all she is here for. For me, she's the soothing of the soul and the healing of the heart.

A mother: a kind-hearted woman with much strength, wisdom, and integrity.