Over the weekend, I spent some time with a friend and her daughters and by the time I left their house, I had inherited a hamster! A white looking RAT!!!! Our house now has 7 kids, two dogs, and a hamster! I don’t know what I was thinking! The only explanation I can come up with is that I’m getting soft in my old age. Most of the kids have this love for animals and I think that as I realize how fast they’re all growing up and how they all need or want the experience of pets, I’m starting to cave. All those who know me are VERY surprised by this “new” me!
The rules with pets, Maci and Choe (the dogs) sleep in our room, they’re not allowed on furniture, and not allowed upstairs. The rule for the hamster, name Rosie, is that she’s only allowed to roam the house in her ball and her cage stays in the laundry room.
I found information on line that supports my “caving in” to animals in the house so I’m going to stick with it and try to convince myself that this is a good thing and it’s healthy for the kids to have pets. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, “Pets are part of many childrens' lives. Parental involvement, open discussion, and planning are necessary to help make pet ownership a positive experience for everyone. A child who learns to care for an animal, and treat it kindly and patiently, may get invaluable training in learning to treat people the same way."
It goes on to cite the advantages of pet ownership such as children raised with pets develop positive feelings about pets which can contribute to a child's self-esteem and self-confidence. Positive relationships with pets can aid in the development of trusting relationships with others. A good relationship with a pet can also help in developing non-verbal communication, compassion, and empathy.
Pets can serve different purposes for children:
• They can be safe recipients of secrets and private thoughts--children often talk to their pets, like they do their stuffed animals.
• They provide lessons about life; reproduction, birth, illnesses, accidents, death, and bereavement.
• They can help develop responsible behavior in the children who care for them.
• They provide a connection to nature.
• They can teach respect for other living things.
Other physical and emotional needs fulfilled by pet ownership include:
• Physical activity
• Comfort contact
• Love, loyalty, and affection
• Experience with loss if a pet is lost or dies.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Alone Time
When was the last time you were alone? I mean REALLY alone?
Before this last week, I can honestly say it’s been seven years.
There's a saying - if Mom ain't happy, nobody's happy. We know this is true - if a mom is angry, upset, or tired, the whole house is in a frenzy. Moms are, for the most part, in charge of making the house run smoothly. They change diapers, cook meals, help with homework, or just spend "mommy and me" time with their children. They devote so much of themselves to everyone else. They must make sure to be all about themselves for at least thirty minutes each day.
Instead of thirty minutes a day, I recently got a week to myself. I was being deliciously naughty this week, kicked back by the pool getting some sun and reading my book in the middle of the afternoon. I realized that I had not had to answer any questions that started with, “Where is….” You see, days and days go by where I’m pretty sure that my only function in my family is to identify the location of rouge baseball caps, runaway iPods, and, of course, the four phone handsets for the home phone on which no one calls us!
During this week I was able to catch up with phone calls to friends. It’s been a long time since my phone calls have been a priority; not to mention that I’m able to answer the phone rather than let it go to voicemail.
It’s been a week of no “Mommmmmmmmmmmmm where are you?” “Mom can I have …?” “Mom, Jaden won’t let me play with him.” Actually I have not heard the word “mom” all week. I must admit, I miss it. Laying by the pool I can’t help but wonder how my kids would have loved to be here and how much they would have enjoyed the pool and the hot tub, especially Angelina because she doesn’t like being cold.
In my conversations with my friends, I heard their kids in the background and I heard the “frazzle” in their voice. I knew they couldn’t give me a 100% of their attention because their kids needed to be fed, listened to, and catered to. I sat in silence waiting for them to finish with their kids, at the same time feeling a little envious because I don’t have my kids needing me.
This week I found myself talking incessantly about my children. I think I became one of those annoying women who cannot hold a conversation about the World Cup, Lakers vs. Celtics game, or Gulf Coast oil leak. I look out the balcony of my hotel and remember the last time we were here, cruising around the Hawaiin Islands together. I flip through the TV channels and miss the “fight” for the kid channel or mom’s channel.
Moms are extremely busy these days-and that’s just by being a mom! We forget to take time out for just ourselves. However, I found myself on foreign soil because I didn’t have to pick up after children, do the many loads of laundry, worry about their meals, and make sure they go to bed at decent time. I was able to get the “me” time I had so much wanted and needed. I was unproductive and loving it, though I did miss my tribe.
Before this last week, I can honestly say it’s been seven years.
There's a saying - if Mom ain't happy, nobody's happy. We know this is true - if a mom is angry, upset, or tired, the whole house is in a frenzy. Moms are, for the most part, in charge of making the house run smoothly. They change diapers, cook meals, help with homework, or just spend "mommy and me" time with their children. They devote so much of themselves to everyone else. They must make sure to be all about themselves for at least thirty minutes each day.
Instead of thirty minutes a day, I recently got a week to myself. I was being deliciously naughty this week, kicked back by the pool getting some sun and reading my book in the middle of the afternoon. I realized that I had not had to answer any questions that started with, “Where is….” You see, days and days go by where I’m pretty sure that my only function in my family is to identify the location of rouge baseball caps, runaway iPods, and, of course, the four phone handsets for the home phone on which no one calls us!
During this week I was able to catch up with phone calls to friends. It’s been a long time since my phone calls have been a priority; not to mention that I’m able to answer the phone rather than let it go to voicemail.
It’s been a week of no “Mommmmmmmmmmmmm where are you?” “Mom can I have …?” “Mom, Jaden won’t let me play with him.” Actually I have not heard the word “mom” all week. I must admit, I miss it. Laying by the pool I can’t help but wonder how my kids would have loved to be here and how much they would have enjoyed the pool and the hot tub, especially Angelina because she doesn’t like being cold.
In my conversations with my friends, I heard their kids in the background and I heard the “frazzle” in their voice. I knew they couldn’t give me a 100% of their attention because their kids needed to be fed, listened to, and catered to. I sat in silence waiting for them to finish with their kids, at the same time feeling a little envious because I don’t have my kids needing me.
This week I found myself talking incessantly about my children. I think I became one of those annoying women who cannot hold a conversation about the World Cup, Lakers vs. Celtics game, or Gulf Coast oil leak. I look out the balcony of my hotel and remember the last time we were here, cruising around the Hawaiin Islands together. I flip through the TV channels and miss the “fight” for the kid channel or mom’s channel.
Moms are extremely busy these days-and that’s just by being a mom! We forget to take time out for just ourselves. However, I found myself on foreign soil because I didn’t have to pick up after children, do the many loads of laundry, worry about their meals, and make sure they go to bed at decent time. I was able to get the “me” time I had so much wanted and needed. I was unproductive and loving it, though I did miss my tribe.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Jaden Faden BoBaden
According to a few birth order books I’ve read, “second-born children are often born into a competitive atmosphere, due to the pressure exerted by the eldest. They tend to adopt behaviors and characteristics that are the exact opposite of the first-born and in some cases exert more a rebellious spirit.” Also, “Second-born children show increases in traits like adventurousness and independence across adolescence.”
I’m one of two kids, and now have three biological children and four step children of my own, so I most definitely know each child dances to a different beat. You’re not supposed to compare. In fact, you’ll likely need to modify your parenting style at times to synch up with your unique offspring. I get that. I just need to remember it and put it to practice to help Jaden build his confidence and to succeed.
Middle children are the most difficult to pin down. They are guaranteed to be opposite of their older sibling, but that difference can manifest in a variety of ways. Middle children often feel like their older brother gets all the glory while their younger sister escapes all discipline. Because the middle child feels that the world pays him less attention, he tends to be secretive; he does not openly share his thoughts or feelings. However, I’ve discovered that if I cuddle with Jaden once lights are out, I can get him to talk about everything because physical touch is his love language and he’s also trying to avoid bed time. As a parent, you’ve got be creative!
The middle child may not feel they have a special place in the family so friends and peer groups become much more important. Jaden’s closest friend since kinder is Rogelio and he introduces all of his peers as, “My friend….” I’ve often wondered how everyone can be a “friend” to him in five minutes of meeting that person. Now I know. They are people pleasers and have a large social circle. They can usually read people well, they are peacemakers who see all sides of a situation, are popular amongst friends and peers, and they are independent and inventive. If a firstborn is a company's CEO, the middle child is the entrepreneur.
To parent the middle child, take the time to listen. Remember that middle children tend to avoid sharing how they really feel. Although it's important to set aside time to talk to all of your children, it's particularly important to make this happen with the middle child because he is least likely to insist on his fair share of time. If I’m busy and other kids are demanding my attention and don’t take the time to listen to Jaden, he will plaster a fake smile on his face and quietly withdraw, physically and emotionally.
Jaden and I have started reading the diary I’ve kept for him since I found out I was pregnant with him. I read this to him and he loves it! It was also recommended that he and I journal together; write “love notes” back and forth to each other in his diary and make this “just between us.” And for me to use all of his misspelled words when I respond so I can show him how to spell them correctly without tearing down his self esteem. This will change his, “I can’t” to “I can.”
Allow the middle child to make decisions. I’ve empower Jaden, at times, to choose where we could go to dinner or where we could go to spend some alone time together; this will make him feel special by allowing him to make choices. This will also help alleviate feelings of always being overshadowed by older and younger siblings.
I’ve updated the family album and have created a scrapbook just for Jaden. There tend to be a billion photos of Vinh and about half of that for Jaden; I have three full albums of Vinh, two of Jaden, and half of one for Angelina. To a child flipping through the family album, this is a sure sign that he's not loved as much. Be sure to have photos of the middle child alone, not always paired with the older sibling.
Not only do I need to be sensitive to the middle child but I also need to consider my step children and their birth order as well because in the case of divorce, remarriage, and the melding of stepchildren, "blended families don't blend; they collide."
I’m one of two kids, and now have three biological children and four step children of my own, so I most definitely know each child dances to a different beat. You’re not supposed to compare. In fact, you’ll likely need to modify your parenting style at times to synch up with your unique offspring. I get that. I just need to remember it and put it to practice to help Jaden build his confidence and to succeed.
Middle children are the most difficult to pin down. They are guaranteed to be opposite of their older sibling, but that difference can manifest in a variety of ways. Middle children often feel like their older brother gets all the glory while their younger sister escapes all discipline. Because the middle child feels that the world pays him less attention, he tends to be secretive; he does not openly share his thoughts or feelings. However, I’ve discovered that if I cuddle with Jaden once lights are out, I can get him to talk about everything because physical touch is his love language and he’s also trying to avoid bed time. As a parent, you’ve got be creative!
The middle child may not feel they have a special place in the family so friends and peer groups become much more important. Jaden’s closest friend since kinder is Rogelio and he introduces all of his peers as, “My friend….” I’ve often wondered how everyone can be a “friend” to him in five minutes of meeting that person. Now I know. They are people pleasers and have a large social circle. They can usually read people well, they are peacemakers who see all sides of a situation, are popular amongst friends and peers, and they are independent and inventive. If a firstborn is a company's CEO, the middle child is the entrepreneur.
To parent the middle child, take the time to listen. Remember that middle children tend to avoid sharing how they really feel. Although it's important to set aside time to talk to all of your children, it's particularly important to make this happen with the middle child because he is least likely to insist on his fair share of time. If I’m busy and other kids are demanding my attention and don’t take the time to listen to Jaden, he will plaster a fake smile on his face and quietly withdraw, physically and emotionally.
Jaden and I have started reading the diary I’ve kept for him since I found out I was pregnant with him. I read this to him and he loves it! It was also recommended that he and I journal together; write “love notes” back and forth to each other in his diary and make this “just between us.” And for me to use all of his misspelled words when I respond so I can show him how to spell them correctly without tearing down his self esteem. This will change his, “I can’t” to “I can.”
Allow the middle child to make decisions. I’ve empower Jaden, at times, to choose where we could go to dinner or where we could go to spend some alone time together; this will make him feel special by allowing him to make choices. This will also help alleviate feelings of always being overshadowed by older and younger siblings.
I’ve updated the family album and have created a scrapbook just for Jaden. There tend to be a billion photos of Vinh and about half of that for Jaden; I have three full albums of Vinh, two of Jaden, and half of one for Angelina. To a child flipping through the family album, this is a sure sign that he's not loved as much. Be sure to have photos of the middle child alone, not always paired with the older sibling.
Not only do I need to be sensitive to the middle child but I also need to consider my step children and their birth order as well because in the case of divorce, remarriage, and the melding of stepchildren, "blended families don't blend; they collide."
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