A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are.
In reading this, I came to the realization that the longest relationship I have with one of my girlfriend goes back to 25+ years. That’s longer than any marriage I’ve been in! She and her family had a hand in shaping me into the person I am today.
My other girlfriend has been at the end of many frantic and frustrated E-mails about exes. She’s always been good at letting me vent and just ramble on and on, on E-mail, even when it didn’t make sense and I didn’t feel like proofreading or using spell check. She knows me well enough to decipher my messages.
Another comforted me when I was faced with one of the hardest decision I’ve had to make in my life and was the first person at the hospital to help me welcome Beans into the world.
Yet another took my call at midnight and talked with me until 3am. She had to make sure I was OK first before she would allow me to hang up.
Other friends have been the nannies I needed when I was raising three kids alone. In return, I just had to feed them. They also taught me to cook for an army, or in this case, some very hungry college students.
Another friend has been my sounding board and is my constant reminder of what the Bible says is right. Sometimes, I don’t really want to talk to her but I do appreciate her sending me, “God Breathes on Blended Families” and adding me to her prayer list.
A few even allowed for a very inebriated New Year and held my hair as I clung to the toilet bowl, knowing all too well that reliving the past isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
Recently, they’ve been there during my difficult days as a mom, step-mom, wife, ex-wife, etc. They’ve allowed me to vent, cuss, and cry all the while acknowledging what I’m saying and occasionally make a joke out of the situation, putting it all in perspective for me. They’ve also allowed me the “WTF am I going to do in counseling with my ex husband’s wife?!”
They’ve been my sisters in good and bad times and we’ve waned in and out of various stages of our relationship, but through the years, I’ve found these things to be true of my friends:
1. They’ve given feedback (criticism) gently but truthfully.
2. They’ve accepted my flaw du jour. (“Am I just being a bitch?!”)
3. They’ve been physically present during crisis and traumas.
4. They’ve listened--even when totally sick of hearing me ramble for the umpteenth time about "nothing."
5. They laughed at me and with me; and have taught me to find humor in my chronic faux pas and ludicrous situations.
6. They shared my struggles.
7. They supported my wild hairs (tangents) until I figured out my own truth. ("A 'born-again virgin'? Makes sense to me.")
8. And the most important reason for our lasting friendships: LIE. (Once in awhile you just have to say "I think you look great in your favorite leopard tights." Finger crossing is allowed!)
