God, give me patience...

As I mentioned in the previous blog that I prayed for two things: More children and patience. My constant prayer, once I had children, was “God, give me patience…” It was pointed out to me by friends in my small group that God doesn’t give you patience; He puts you in situations to help you learn patience. Needless to say, since this revelation, I’ve stopped praying for patience.

I am, what some would call, a “neat freak,” though I’ve also been told that I am obsessive compulsive about cleanliness. Just because I have my children wipe themselves down with baby wipes before getting into the car doesn’t make me obsessive compulsive does it? In my defense, they had been rolling around in dirt at the local baseball field! That dirt sticks to you like baby powder and gets everywhere! If these were your children, you’d have them do the same. Wouldn’t you? Cleaning the children is easier than cleaning the car.

I love order and believe that all things have a place in some drawer, closet, cabinet, etc. I like my environment dust free, my desk neat and tidy, my bed made, my clothes put away according to color, size, and season, my shoes in their box or neatly lined up on the floor of my closet. I wasn’t always like this, but seeing the clutter at my grandma’s house and my mother’s house over the years have convinced me I cannot live with clutter and disorder.

Of course, my children find my “neatness” to be, at times, frustrating because I want them to be “neat freaks” too. They don’t understand why they have to line their shoes up outside the garage door, why their towels have to be folded into thirds, and they especially don’t understand why, even though we have a house keeper, they still have to clean every Sunday.

“Oh! WHY ME?!” In mean, “God, give me patience as I head upstairs to check out their rooms” is my silent prayer as I climb the steps. Not only am I not sentimental about childhood “stuff” like marbles, polly pockets, and legos, I don’t keep every little drawing or painting sent home from school either. I tend to go on mad cleaning sprees and throw out everything I deem “garbage.” However, the children have since learned to bargain with me; they asked that I not touch anything on their desk, in their drawers, or in their special box of keepsake. I have agreed, for now.

“God give me patience as the house is filled up with seven kids and their friends.” Seven kids with friends running up and down the stairs sounds like a herd of elephants have take over my house. I am raising kids, NOT elephants! You see, by nature I am not a loud person; I like soft music, “indoor” voices, and quiet (except for the TV airing the Vikings football game) in the home. It’s impossible to ask for that with seven kids who have very busy social calendars! My husband tells me that someday I will miss all of this commotion… Maybe someday I will, but for now, can’t they use indoor voices and walk with soft feet?

“God, give me patience as I try my best to be a mom to all seven kids.” How do I be a mom but not a mom to the other four kids? They have a mom so that’s not my role; but what is my role? If I hug on them, am I making them feel uncomfortable? If I tell them I have love them, do they then feel that they’re betraying their mom by responding? “Lord, give me patience today as I keep trying to do what is right for the children you’ve entrusted into my care.”

“God, give me patience with the children” is the prayer I don’t dare utter anymore for fear of new “tests” being thrown my way. Daily, I’m still being challenged, stretched, and having to learn to be a mom to seven kids rather than three. The “neat freak” in me still exists but I’ve been recently assured by the authors of “Every Man’s Marriage” that that is my essence and my home is my nest and the center of my universe. “Mother wants things just so in order to feel she’s doing everything right.” Of course, this doesn’t mean my husband and children can sympathize and understand this inner desire of mine, which then tests my patience once again.

God, give me patience….

For as long as I can remember I’ve always prayed for “a house full of kids” because growing up it was always just my brother and me and I always wanted more siblings. Then when I had more children, I prayed for “patience.” Just recently, it hit me that God has a great sense of humor!

I was blessed with 3 children of my own. By the time the 3^rd one came, my doctor advised me to not have any more since it would be risking my life and the life of the unborn baby. So, I took her advice and permanent rectified that situation. But in my heart I always desired more children. I was left feeling as if something was missing.

In 2007 God answered my prayers….

January 2007, I met Curt and his 4 kids. He really has 5 but the oldest was 18 at the time and no longer at home. By March 2007, we were all living in the same home. In November of 2007 we said our vows to each other and to the kids on a beach in Maui.

Immediately, I went from having 3 kids to 7 kids. Who knew a family could double in such a short amount of time!

Kim, the oldest at home, is 13 going on 14. She’s our 9^th grader who was mentioned in the previous blog. She’s a phlegmatic; she can’t say no to people and often go out of her way to help everyone. She’s a phenomenal gymnast and loves the sport! She’s also a quality time and words of affirmation kind of girl.

Christen, 12 going on 13 this year, is a sanguine. She’s a social butterfly and loves to chat! She’s great at making people feel good about themselves. Christen is enjoys her quality time and gifts.

Abigail just turned 11 in May. She’s a choleric; very straightforward and to the point. I love this quality about her because she says it like it is and doesn’t try to sugar coat it! Often time people mistakenly assume she’s upset since she doesn’t say much. She just doesn’t have a lot to say, and when she does it’s brief and to the point. Abigail loves receiving gifts!

Jonathan is 10, a choleric and flourishes when he can be of help in any way. He enjoys doing acts of service to show that he cares about you.

Vinh is 9. He’s a phlegmatic melancholy. He loves to please people and very methodical in his actions and thoughts. He is all about quality time and loves to just hug on you and talk with you.

Jaden is the choleric sanguine. He states what’s on his mind and doesn’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings though his feelings get hurt very easily. He also loves being the center of attention. He’s a little of everything when it comes to love; he loves his quality time but also enjoys receiving gifts, needs words of affirmation, and will help out wherever he can.

Angelina, 5 going to 6 this year, is a choleric. She says it like it is and isn’t concerned with people’s perception. She’s a very strong willed child and knows what she wants. She’s quality time and gifts. She states that her most favorite thing to do with me is to cuddle. At the same time, she loves receiving gifts from everyone.

All these varying degree of personalities and acts of love on top of Curt and my personality and our need for love; talk about complicated and a whole lot of finessing. Not to mention we have exes to deal with! How does one do it you ask? It takes a LOT of grace, prayers, and friends to talk to.

Doctor's Visit

As I sit at the car wash, waiting for my car to be restored to it's "like new" condition, I had some time to reflect on the latest blended family drama. As the Drama Turns....

My husband and I recently had a conversation about me being more involved in the step-childrens' lives (that's another blog altogether) such as attending parent/teacher conferences, doctor appointments, etc. The opportunity to do this recently presented itself when Kim (our oldest) had a doctor's appointment with a specialist at Kaiser. Curt wanted me to go, I wanted to go, the ex-wife didn't. She expressed it loud and clear to Curt and I, stating that I am neither Kim's mother or father and that this appointment should only be for her mother and father. Am I not a mother in every sense of the word? Though I didn't birth her, I am everything that a mother is because I didn't only marry Curt but I married his children as well. However, knowing how the ex-weife felt I was torn; should I go or shouldn't I go? Would me going to this appointment make Curt feel put in the middle having to choose between me, his daughter, and his ex-wife? Would me being there make it uncomfortable for Kim? I had a lot of questions...

On the advice of a dear friend (thank you friend), I went, kept my mouth shut, and only asked one question when the opportunity presented itself.

Overall, it wasn't as painful as I had thought it would be. I kept repeating, "Love thy enemies." As hard as this is to do, God was reminding me that love isn't always easy.

On the other hand, I think the ex-wife had a very hard time with this and felt extremely uncomfortable with me there. She lashed out at Curt and made remarks such as "Oh, she doesn't need her father?!" And called him a "jerk" when he opted to not stay for the blood draw. What saddens me about this is that Kim was there, witnessing all of this.

I'm not sure if all of this anger was because I was there and I made her uncomfortable or from something else altogether unrelated. Wherever it comes from, I continue to pray for her, for Curt, for the kids, and for our family. This is NOT an easy situation by any means! And it was only a doctor's appointment. I pray that graduations, wedding, and births aren't all this dramatic.

Upon reflecting on this situation, I ask myself if there was anything I could have done differently. Your thoughts? One of the hardest thing that God asks us to do (in my humble opinion) is to bless our enemies. My flesh wants nothing more than to curse my enemies. My spirit, on the other hand, knows better. So the praying continues and so does the constant asking for forgiveness.