Angelina wasn’t conceived under ideal circumstances.
And there is no one to blame for that but me. What seems like an eternity ago, I made some poor choices and bad decisions that resulted in a pregnancy that I didn’t want. Upon reflection, I’m grateful for the friend who spent a few hours being a friend when I most needed one. Thank you friend; I am grateful for your friendship.
My pregnancy with Angelina was not an easy one but as soon as she came out, she’s been the easiest child to raise. Unlike her brothers, she didn’t require a lot of cuddling/rocking and slept through the night as soon as she was born. Though she was only four pounds seven ounces and doctors and nurses were scared for her life, she’s proven that she’s a tenacious little girl filled with the love and spirit of Jesus Christ.
She and I both rely on this God given strength on days like today. She gave me a hug good bye this morning and broke down crying because she did not want to go to her dad’s this Thanksgiving. At six years old, this will be her first Thanksgiving with him. All of her life, up until last year, she’s only known me and the people in my life. I am comforted knowing that God will be with her. She takes comfort in knowing that I’m in her heart and that she’ll just need to think of me and I’ll be there. But none of that makes this any easier. I’m not sure if this will ever be easier. It’s something Angelina will learn to live with through the years.
Though we will not be together this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the angel sent from above because every once in awhile I get a glimpse of heaven through her eyes. She told me once that before she was in my belly, she was flying around God as a baby angel. She sees the good in people that I often miss. She loves unconditionally. Gives hugs freely. Reads her Bible regularly. And is living proof of God’s plan.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Ah-The Noises Little Boys Make
Sneezes and hiccups, boogers, and farts
When they’re finished with one the other another one starts.
It’s a natural reaction for silly little boys
To pick a booger then eat it, to fart and make noise.
Little girls? A bit different
And quite modest with such affairs
They’d rather keep noises quiet
Than attract such unpleasant stares.
Daughters are taught to be little ladies,
Be polite, say thank you and please
Daddies think it rather amusing
To let boys burp and ‘cut cheese’.
What would we do without little angels
Who pick their nose, burp here, and fart there -
Just when you think you’ve trained them so well
They belch loud, as if they don’t care.
But little boys must learn early on
That little girls like boys who are tame -
not a young man who makes rude noises
And thinks good manners are stupid and lame.
And little girls must learn a few truths as well
About little boys who grow up to be men
Sometimes they just can’t help it at all,
When they make silly noises, over and over again.
When they’re finished with one the other another one starts.
It’s a natural reaction for silly little boys
To pick a booger then eat it, to fart and make noise.
Little girls? A bit different
And quite modest with such affairs
They’d rather keep noises quiet
Than attract such unpleasant stares.
Daughters are taught to be little ladies,
Be polite, say thank you and please
Daddies think it rather amusing
To let boys burp and ‘cut cheese’.
What would we do without little angels
Who pick their nose, burp here, and fart there -
Just when you think you’ve trained them so well
They belch loud, as if they don’t care.
But little boys must learn early on
That little girls like boys who are tame -
not a young man who makes rude noises
And thinks good manners are stupid and lame.
And little girls must learn a few truths as well
About little boys who grow up to be men
Sometimes they just can’t help it at all,
When they make silly noises, over and over again.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Farmville
Often when women become stepmothers, they believe they should behave like Julie Andrews in the movie "The Sound of Music." They expect instantly to be perfect caregivers and homemakers. Many assume that if they cook and care for stepkids daily, maybe even doing special things such as handcrafting clothing for the children, they'll soon be happily riding bikes with their stepchildren, singing and acting like one big happy family. You can blame Cinderella or the bad reputation that surrounds stepmothers. The reality about being a stepmother is that it's not easy, and it can be just as frightening for the person stepping into the role as it is for the child(ren) involved.
This is so true when it comes to my relationship with Kimberly. At best, it’s been tenuous. Until recently, we’ve not been able to find common ground. Over the weekend, we both discovered our love for Farmville on Facebook. I merely commented to Kimberly, in passing, that her farm was “lame” and our relationship has blossomed from joking remark. We spent the weekend in front of the computer planting, harvesting, buying, selling, planning her crops, etc. I’ve not had this much fun in a long time!
To most, this is such a trivial thing. To me, it’s huge! I’ve tried (and Kim has tried) over the past 3 years to find common ground with each other with no success. We seem to have taken one step forward and then two steps back. How frustrating and tiring!
I was amazed that Facebook brought me back in touch with my elementary school friends, I’m even more amazed that it fostered a blossoming relationship with my stepdaughter! I am honored that she trusts me enough to give me her Facebook password so I can farm for her while she’s at her mom’s house with no internet access.
Needless to say, her farm is prospering and her crops are growing nicely. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see the fruits of our labor when she’s back with us next week.
In doing my reading for this blog, I came across the statistic below as well as dos and don’ts that stepmoms may find helpful. By no means is it an easy job, however, patience, perseverance, a lot of praying, and the support of the father will help ease your burdens. I am extremely blessed that I have a loving husband who supports me.
“The number of stepmothers is growing, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, which reports that about 65 percent of remarriages involve children from a prior marriage, resulting in the formation of stepfamilies. Still research shows that stepmothers have the most negative image of any family member in a stepfamily situation, partly because they are often placed in roles that traditionally (and often falsely) rival that of the biological mother.”
Making it all work when there's a stepmother involved could be easier when stepmothers remember some practical dos and don'ts:
1. The more affection given to the stepchildren, the more success the stepmother is likely to have.
2. When a stepmother thinks about discipline, she should think about the word "disciple" instead. Teach your stepchildren gently and "explain" to them, instead of yelling and spanking.
3. Time is your ally. Realize that it may take time to develop a loving relationship with your stepchild.
4. Never say anything negative about a biological mother, no matter how merited it may be. Help the child find a solution to his or her problem if possible.
5. Don't try to prove that you are in charge by imposing your will.
This is so true when it comes to my relationship with Kimberly. At best, it’s been tenuous. Until recently, we’ve not been able to find common ground. Over the weekend, we both discovered our love for Farmville on Facebook. I merely commented to Kimberly, in passing, that her farm was “lame” and our relationship has blossomed from joking remark. We spent the weekend in front of the computer planting, harvesting, buying, selling, planning her crops, etc. I’ve not had this much fun in a long time!
To most, this is such a trivial thing. To me, it’s huge! I’ve tried (and Kim has tried) over the past 3 years to find common ground with each other with no success. We seem to have taken one step forward and then two steps back. How frustrating and tiring!
I was amazed that Facebook brought me back in touch with my elementary school friends, I’m even more amazed that it fostered a blossoming relationship with my stepdaughter! I am honored that she trusts me enough to give me her Facebook password so I can farm for her while she’s at her mom’s house with no internet access.
Needless to say, her farm is prospering and her crops are growing nicely. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see the fruits of our labor when she’s back with us next week.
In doing my reading for this blog, I came across the statistic below as well as dos and don’ts that stepmoms may find helpful. By no means is it an easy job, however, patience, perseverance, a lot of praying, and the support of the father will help ease your burdens. I am extremely blessed that I have a loving husband who supports me.
“The number of stepmothers is growing, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, which reports that about 65 percent of remarriages involve children from a prior marriage, resulting in the formation of stepfamilies. Still research shows that stepmothers have the most negative image of any family member in a stepfamily situation, partly because they are often placed in roles that traditionally (and often falsely) rival that of the biological mother.”
Making it all work when there's a stepmother involved could be easier when stepmothers remember some practical dos and don'ts:
1. The more affection given to the stepchildren, the more success the stepmother is likely to have.
2. When a stepmother thinks about discipline, she should think about the word "disciple" instead. Teach your stepchildren gently and "explain" to them, instead of yelling and spanking.
3. Time is your ally. Realize that it may take time to develop a loving relationship with your stepchild.
4. Never say anything negative about a biological mother, no matter how merited it may be. Help the child find a solution to his or her problem if possible.
5. Don't try to prove that you are in charge by imposing your will.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Two years later...
We recently celebrated our two years anniversary (November 1). There are many memories that are still fresh in my mind, and then there are many more that is just a blur. I remember the boys having their pants rolled to their knees, sock and shoes off and trying not to get wet because they knew we still had to take pictures. There is a great picture that the photographer snapped of Curt scolding the boys while I stand there trying to pose. I remember Angelina planted in the sand and trying to bury herself with her pretty Cinderella dress on. I remember the older girls, with their shoes kicked off, trying to stay out of the water. I remember thinking to myself that I must have been insane when I bought my wedding dress because this is NOT a dress that one should wear at a beach wedding with children who desperately want to go to play in the water.
Those are a few of the details I remember two years later. But what I don’t remember are our vows to each other. Even though I had planned everything from beginning to end and must have read and reread our vows a hundred times, I don’t remember reciting them or really hearing what Curt was saying to me or I to him.
When our anniversary was approaching, I decided to go through our wedding file (Yes, I have all that filed away in a drawer) and take out our vows. I read it, reread it, evaluated it, and asked myself if I had been doing what I had promised Curt I’d do on that day, on the beach in Maui.
Curt’s vow:
“As we stand before both God and man making public our commitment to one another, I wish to make it known that I recognize God’s authority over my life, which is exercised from His loving heart. He has chosen me to be one of His own, and has since been my life. I recognize also that He blessed me, and entrusted me your life as an unearned gift. In recognition of these things, I, Curtis, take you, Ami, to be my wife. I purpose to love you with His love, to provide for your needs though His enablement, and to lead you as He leads me, as long as He gives me life, regardless of circumstances. Ami, I look forward to establishing a home where Christ is glorified. Toward that end I promise to allow God to use you in my life as He sees best in building me into His person. I thank Him for your love and friendship.”
The one thing that stands out to me in Curt’s vow is “…establishing a home where Christ is glorified.” For awhile, after we were married, this was not the case in our home. We both recognized this during one of our fights when Curt told me that his children doesn’t feel “love, wanted, appreciated, and welcomed” by me. At the same time I’m telling him I don’t feel those things from him and the children. Also, I didn’t feel “safe” to be able to express what’s on my mind and in my heart. What I had felt from Curt, and later confirmed by Kimberly, is that the children come first and I come second. I am to cook, clean, do the laundry, help with homework, etc but when it comes to major or minor decisions, I have no input because I’m not the biological mother. We were not living according to God’s word. We hadn’t put God first, each other next, and then children. We were putting the children first, each other next, and only honoring God on Sundays at church. We were not living the life we had promised each other on our wedding day. Until we recognized it and rectified it, our home was not our haven. Since this discovery, Curt and I have made it a point to read the Bible together, to pray together, to give each other time to talk, really talk, each day, to include each other in the decision making processes whether it be a major or minor one, to honor each other’s role, and to put God first every day.
Ami’s vows:
“I take you, Curtis, to be my husband. With the greatest joy I come into my new life with you. Today, I am reminded of James 1:17 which says, ‘Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation of shifting shadow.’ Besides the gift of salvation, you are the most precious gift God has given me. I know that along with the new joys God has given me, I face new responsibilities that I cannot fulfill in my own strength. But by God’s grace and power working within me, I desire to be trustworthy as your wife, to serve and love you in all circumstances, to obey you, to allow God to use you to build His qualities in me, as long as God gives us life on this earth. I praise God continually for you, Curtis, and for your love and friendship.”
In rereading my vows to Curt, I realized that I hadn’t been serving and loving to him in ALL circumstances because there were many times I was bitter and had thoughts such as “I do so much for him and the kids, and no one notices or just take it for granted.” I definitely didn’t obey him and let him lead me as I had promised to do. My thoughts were “I’ve been doing this solo all these years and am perfectly capable of making decisions on my own, I don’t need him to tell me what to do.” I just couldn’t, or wouldn’t, submit as I’m instructed to do.
I certainly didn’t allow for God to work in Curt nor did I praise God daily for him. There were days when I asked, “Why me? What did I get myself into? Was I insane thinking I could be a decent step-mother?” These were the days when I cursed God and resented Him for answering my prayers.
When Curt and I finally recognized that we hadn’t been putting God first in our marriage, we changed our priorities. We now read the Bible and pray most every day, choose to communicate, love, honor, and obey each other daily. This is all very difficult when we all lead such busy lives! And it’s especially hard to love someone when he’s not being very lovable and it’s even harder to honor and obey someone, whom I’m mad at.
Two years, a lot of tears, a handful of fights, laughter, and some good times later we’re finally on the right path; the path that God has put us on and we’ve finally wised up and put Him first. Since that revelation our marriage has experienced tremendous growth, the children have felt more peace and love in the home, and I finally feel that I’m number 1 in my husband’s eyes and heart.
Those are a few of the details I remember two years later. But what I don’t remember are our vows to each other. Even though I had planned everything from beginning to end and must have read and reread our vows a hundred times, I don’t remember reciting them or really hearing what Curt was saying to me or I to him.
When our anniversary was approaching, I decided to go through our wedding file (Yes, I have all that filed away in a drawer) and take out our vows. I read it, reread it, evaluated it, and asked myself if I had been doing what I had promised Curt I’d do on that day, on the beach in Maui.
Curt’s vow:
“As we stand before both God and man making public our commitment to one another, I wish to make it known that I recognize God’s authority over my life, which is exercised from His loving heart. He has chosen me to be one of His own, and has since been my life. I recognize also that He blessed me, and entrusted me your life as an unearned gift. In recognition of these things, I, Curtis, take you, Ami, to be my wife. I purpose to love you with His love, to provide for your needs though His enablement, and to lead you as He leads me, as long as He gives me life, regardless of circumstances. Ami, I look forward to establishing a home where Christ is glorified. Toward that end I promise to allow God to use you in my life as He sees best in building me into His person. I thank Him for your love and friendship.”
The one thing that stands out to me in Curt’s vow is “…establishing a home where Christ is glorified.” For awhile, after we were married, this was not the case in our home. We both recognized this during one of our fights when Curt told me that his children doesn’t feel “love, wanted, appreciated, and welcomed” by me. At the same time I’m telling him I don’t feel those things from him and the children. Also, I didn’t feel “safe” to be able to express what’s on my mind and in my heart. What I had felt from Curt, and later confirmed by Kimberly, is that the children come first and I come second. I am to cook, clean, do the laundry, help with homework, etc but when it comes to major or minor decisions, I have no input because I’m not the biological mother. We were not living according to God’s word. We hadn’t put God first, each other next, and then children. We were putting the children first, each other next, and only honoring God on Sundays at church. We were not living the life we had promised each other on our wedding day. Until we recognized it and rectified it, our home was not our haven. Since this discovery, Curt and I have made it a point to read the Bible together, to pray together, to give each other time to talk, really talk, each day, to include each other in the decision making processes whether it be a major or minor one, to honor each other’s role, and to put God first every day.
Ami’s vows:
“I take you, Curtis, to be my husband. With the greatest joy I come into my new life with you. Today, I am reminded of James 1:17 which says, ‘Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation of shifting shadow.’ Besides the gift of salvation, you are the most precious gift God has given me. I know that along with the new joys God has given me, I face new responsibilities that I cannot fulfill in my own strength. But by God’s grace and power working within me, I desire to be trustworthy as your wife, to serve and love you in all circumstances, to obey you, to allow God to use you to build His qualities in me, as long as God gives us life on this earth. I praise God continually for you, Curtis, and for your love and friendship.”
In rereading my vows to Curt, I realized that I hadn’t been serving and loving to him in ALL circumstances because there were many times I was bitter and had thoughts such as “I do so much for him and the kids, and no one notices or just take it for granted.” I definitely didn’t obey him and let him lead me as I had promised to do. My thoughts were “I’ve been doing this solo all these years and am perfectly capable of making decisions on my own, I don’t need him to tell me what to do.” I just couldn’t, or wouldn’t, submit as I’m instructed to do.
I certainly didn’t allow for God to work in Curt nor did I praise God daily for him. There were days when I asked, “Why me? What did I get myself into? Was I insane thinking I could be a decent step-mother?” These were the days when I cursed God and resented Him for answering my prayers.
When Curt and I finally recognized that we hadn’t been putting God first in our marriage, we changed our priorities. We now read the Bible and pray most every day, choose to communicate, love, honor, and obey each other daily. This is all very difficult when we all lead such busy lives! And it’s especially hard to love someone when he’s not being very lovable and it’s even harder to honor and obey someone, whom I’m mad at.
Two years, a lot of tears, a handful of fights, laughter, and some good times later we’re finally on the right path; the path that God has put us on and we’ve finally wised up and put Him first. Since that revelation our marriage has experienced tremendous growth, the children have felt more peace and love in the home, and I finally feel that I’m number 1 in my husband’s eyes and heart.
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