Mother-land

“A dutiful mother is someone who follows every step her child makes.”
“A good mother is someone whose child wants to follow her.”

Quoted from Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult. This quote stuck with me. It really stuck.

Would my kids want to follow me? I have to look long and hard at myself to honestly answer that question.

Am I a good mother?

By whose standards am I trying to answer this question? I think this band of women called mothers is sometimes no band at all. As a matter of fact, sometimes I think this band is a group of our worst enemies. And it all comes down to comparisons.

Why do we compare our job performance when it comes to mothering? And by what standard do we use to measure this? It seems like Mother-land would be a much better place if women around the cul-de-sac reached out to support, lift up and love each other as women and as fellow mothers and not to compare ourselves and our children with each other to the extent that we do.

Comparisons – they are everywhere.

On the playground … your child can cross the monkey bars; mine cannot.

In our neighborhood … my child can ride a bike; yours cannot.

In our school … so and so’s child is in the top reading group; why isn’t mine?

At church … that child is sitting quietly while mine is misbehaving.

In the grocery store … I have sugar cereal in my basket; she’s got bunny shaped bran flakes.

In restaurants … tantrum deluxe vs. sitting and eating appropriately.

We have all been on both sides of the fence. In one situation our child acts like a perfect angel and in another, ours is the one that we want to deny is our child. I am very guilty of this, but when I sit and think about the purpose it serves to constantly compare what we’re doing vs. what our neighbor is doing vs. how my kids behave vs. how her kids behave, really, who cares? We are all in this together. We are all trying our very best to raise independent, competent, real, loving human beings and does it really matter what everybody else is doing? If they jumped off the proverbial parenting bridge, would I?

So am I a good mother?

Would my children want to follow me?
My answer is…I’m a work in progress.

But I can tell you this. The next time I get on the comparison merry-go-round, I’m going to get off and hope I have some little feet behind me.