There are days during my marriage when I wonder if our house will ever feel like a warm, loving home. I feel a dark cloud hanging over Curt and me. Just when I thought we were making progress in an area of our marriage or in relationships within our family, something would break loose and hit us blindside.
Curt and I never seem to agree on anything when issues arise between us and the children; we immediately take offense and ask the same question that is always present in every conversation, “Did you back me up?” We never really solve anything, only walked away confused and hurt by each other.
I have become more and more frustrated, and remember saying more than once, “Why even try to talk about it? We never solve anything anyway.”
Many times, I feel I prayed in circles. I would find reassurances in God’s word and feel sustained in His joy and praise. But then I would find myself facing the same wall I thought I had already climbed. Was God even listening? Did He see us flailing about, trying to make something of all this?
These are a few of the dark areas in our family:
No bonding between us and each others respective children
We have less patience with each others kids than our own
We are sterner and less tolerant with each others kids than our own
We do not love each others kids as our own
Even under this dark cloud, I am reminded that our thoughts get in the way of what God is trying to do for us. We question God with endless whys and why nots. I need to remove my thoughts of doubt about what God can do in my life. Make way for Him to give me the prosperous future he desires for me. Again, I’m reminded to be patient as God’s plan for me reveals itself. Truth is, God often gives us His plans for our lives, but we doubt His magnificent power because things don’t move quickly enough to suit us. I keep repeating, “Our blended family is a part of God’s wonderful masterpiece!” After all, Jesus was from a blended family…..
Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load (Galatians 6:4-5).
ReplyDeleteYou are not supposed to be "the best mom", you are supposed to do the best you can. ANyone who expects more than that from you has their own issues to deal with.
Your entire family is a gift, and we all know that the most challenging people tend to be the biggest gifts....Anything worth having is worth fighting for.
I have 15 years of step-mom experience. I promise you that I am loved, even when I am hated.
Keep your chin up, you are doing fine.