Siblings

The relationship between brothers and sisters can be quite amazing. My brother (Kiki) and I are 11 months apart (to the day) and were inseparable for a long time. We have a relationship that is more like being twins rather than older sister and younger brother.

When you are little, having a brother or sister is all about a friendship, laughter, trusting each other whole heartedly, and knowing that if there is a monster under the bed and you share a room your bro would help you out. Then it seems that as soon junior high started the bridge starts to form, one or the other sibling becomes super independent and doesn't need the other quite as much. For some sibling relationships this may start much sooner in life.

During the elementary school years, my brother and I drew strength from each other through my parent’s divorce and the turmoil that followed. He included me in all of his sporting activities as well as we’d spend hours building forts and fires together. These were the things that took us away from reality; it made us forget all of the sadness around us. Unfortunately, due to new friends, having friends in different circles, and college we drifted apart during our early teen to late twentys years.

As selfishness washed away to responsibility, we gradually reconnected. And really reconnected when I had my first child, when he got married, and when he had his first child. These are just a few of the milestones that we wanted to share with each other. As we age, we feel this need more and more with each passing Thanksgiving, Christmas, or birthday.

I had a chance to reflect on the special times that I had with my brother when I laid in bed talking with my children last night about the importance of them loving and protecting each other. It brought back the memories of us playing football in the snow, running home from school just to check on our forts, and negotiating TV shows for the half hour that we were allowed. Time passes so quickly and now I see that my children will soon cross the line from siblings/friends to arch enemies. There are fleeting moments still when I can hear them laughing and I know at that moment that they do love each other! It just isn't cool to like each other in public! Of course, they would stand up for each other and pull together if there were a crisis of some sort. I guess in the end that is all that matters.

What I have noticed is that if you are not close to your sibling (like I wasn’t for a some time) there is always a spot in your soul that is empty. Though we don’t often talk on the phone now-I blame this on him and my busy schedule-I can feel the bond that we share is unbreakable. This is also evident when we’re together and get to watch our children interact with each other. There is a closeness between them that is undeniable. I’ve mentioned this to my sister-in-law, Twila, as well as my brother, “The only thing I miss about being in California is that our children do not get the opportunity to grow up together.”

Life is too short to not have a relationship with your sibling. Regrets are exactly what cause disease in our bodies; disease in our soul. You cannot be more connected to yourself then when you are connected to your sister or brother. Good or bad, happy or sad there is a reason for everything, and there is a reason you became family. As I’ve said to my kids, all seven of them, “When I’m dead and gone, you’re all you’ve got in this world. Love each other!”