Ex

Friendship is so many things to so many people and can be different for everyone and in every relationship. As we get older, good friendships are harder to find, but, for this reason, I think it is even more important to cherish and celebrate them. I'm fortunate to have many great friends -- both old and new. With every hardship I've had to face in life, I've been fortunate enough to have friends by my side, journeying with me down the winding, curving roads of life's highs and lows. The past few years have been filled with change and transformation for me and I couldn't be more grateful for those who have been beside me, supporting me -- for those who have been my friends. Below is the E-mail (with modifications since I wrote it out of anger) I had sent to three girl friends and retold it to a fourth. All four had differing input, advice, and prayer which is why “you are the flowers” in my life. Thanks for the advice and laughs ladies!

"Last night, after work, I went to work out and then stopped in to watch the last 1/2 hour of Jonathan's game. When I got to the field, I see Brandi, Christen, and Curt all sitting together. Like one happy family. So, when we got home he starts talking about that. Says that he was sitting there with Christen (because he picked her up from her track meet) and when Brandi got there she just sat herself down on the other side of Christen. Says he was uncomfortable so he moved over. I said, "Why didn't you move to another row?"

So this is why I'm ticked. He may have moved over but there was NO gap between him and Christen except enough room for a bag of sunflower seeds! There was more gap between him and the woman next to him than him and Christen! How do I know this? Because when I got there I stepped in between him and the other woman to climb to the next row of seats!

I'm also mad/sad/disappointed because this is not the first time. Another time was at another game a month or so ago. We got to the baseball game. I sat in the car reading since it hadn't started yet. He sets up two of our lawn chairs. She comes over and starts chatting since she didn't see me. Asks if she could sit in one of those chairs and he says yes! But he did tell her I’d be there soon. After that time we had a talk about that and I told him straight out that I don't appreciate her sitting in my chair and what it looks like is that they're the couple. I wasn't mad really the first time because after a bit he realized how it looked and got up and stood behind his chair instead. But he knew how I felt about it and says it won't happen again.

Well, last night it happened again! I told him she shows NO respect for our marriage because this stuff keeps happening. And his actions, by not moving to another row, says the same thing. I told him that he's never said "call me before you get here" when he's asked me if I'm coming to a game. So here I am showing up at a game and see this? What am I to think? So if this stuff happens when you don't know if I'm coming or not, then what else happens when I don't come? What else don't I see?

I'm disappointed because he doesn't get it! He doesn't get why I'm hurt. Says that he's never "cheated" etc why would I even think that? It's NOT what I think. It's what I see that bothers me! And to me, actions speak louder than words and he doesn't see to get it.

None of this would be a big deal if she comes over and sits down when I'm there or talks to him when I'm there. She only does this when she doesn't see me around.

And he seems to think that saying "I'm sorry" just makes it all better. I told him last night, instead of hindsight being 20/20 and apologizing afterward, why don't you think about your actions and change it instead? Saying I'm sorry this time does NOT make it better!! I reminded him that he's always talked about people's perception and how important that is. Well, to strangers last night, the perception is that they're the couple there watching their son play baseball and their other daughter is sitting between them! That perception only changed when I showed up! I also told him that it is his responsibility to make sure that I'm secure in this relationship. That's his duty as my husband! If I'm getting the wrong perceptions then it's his responsibility to change that because if I'm seeing something that is not really there, what are other people seeing? And these people don't have any intimate knowledge of who we all are!

I understand they will always need to communicate because of the kids. I have no problem with that. I have a problem with the lack of respect for our marriage relationship. Just because she's the mother of his children does NOT give her permission to be disrespectful!

Miesha said, “The one good thing is that he felt uncomfortable with her doing that, that’s a good sign, even if he didn’t handle it the best way. He’s a guy and they are clueless. You may have to go through some mock “what do you do in this scenario” things with him so he gets it. The next time she pulls that, he should tell her, you know Brandi, I noticed that you only come around and hang out like this when my wife is not around and that’s not ok with me because it makes me feel like you’re disrespecting her and our relationship. She will be shocked and it will stop or she will go off on him, either way she will be shut down and know her place.”

Briana said, “OMG… I would be pissed too. And probably more than that, I’d feel hurt. You are completely justified in your feelings. She’s a nut. Why all the drama all the time??? You should just duke it out on Jerry Springer and be done with it once and for all!”

Jen said, “Lord, I pray that you give Ami the strength and patience to endure these circumstances that arise between Curt and his ex wife. Let her trust that you know best and will always be there for her. And I pray Father that you help Curt realize that his actions are harmful and disrespectful to his wife and that he becomes a better steward of their relationship even when he is not in her presence. In Jesus name, Amen.”

Danette said, “So, did you just show up without calling?” Of course I did!

Since the E-mail, Curt has talked to his ex about the situation and asked that she never do that again. And as Miesha predicted, she went ballistic, started calling him names, made accusations, and was all dramatic with tears. I’ve also updated my girl friends and laughed out loud at their responses.

Curt and I have also talked and have kissed and made up; with him realizing I am right. I love it when I am right!