Two years later...

We recently celebrated our two years anniversary (November 1). There are many memories that are still fresh in my mind, and then there are many more that is just a blur. I remember the boys having their pants rolled to their knees, sock and shoes off and trying not to get wet because they knew we still had to take pictures. There is a great picture that the photographer snapped of Curt scolding the boys while I stand there trying to pose. I remember Angelina planted in the sand and trying to bury herself with her pretty Cinderella dress on. I remember the older girls, with their shoes kicked off, trying to stay out of the water. I remember thinking to myself that I must have been insane when I bought my wedding dress because this is NOT a dress that one should wear at a beach wedding with children who desperately want to go to play in the water.

Those are a few of the details I remember two years later. But what I don’t remember are our vows to each other. Even though I had planned everything from beginning to end and must have read and reread our vows a hundred times, I don’t remember reciting them or really hearing what Curt was saying to me or I to him.
When our anniversary was approaching, I decided to go through our wedding file (Yes, I have all that filed away in a drawer) and take out our vows. I read it, reread it, evaluated it, and asked myself if I had been doing what I had promised Curt I’d do on that day, on the beach in Maui.

Curt’s vow:

“As we stand before both God and man making public our commitment to one another, I wish to make it known that I recognize God’s authority over my life, which is exercised from His loving heart. He has chosen me to be one of His own, and has since been my life. I recognize also that He blessed me, and entrusted me your life as an unearned gift. In recognition of these things, I, Curtis, take you, Ami, to be my wife. I purpose to love you with His love, to provide for your needs though His enablement, and to lead you as He leads me, as long as He gives me life, regardless of circumstances. Ami, I look forward to establishing a home where Christ is glorified. Toward that end I promise to allow God to use you in my life as He sees best in building me into His person. I thank Him for your love and friendship.”

The one thing that stands out to me in Curt’s vow is “…establishing a home where Christ is glorified.” For awhile, after we were married, this was not the case in our home. We both recognized this during one of our fights when Curt told me that his children doesn’t feel “love, wanted, appreciated, and welcomed” by me. At the same time I’m telling him I don’t feel those things from him and the children. Also, I didn’t feel “safe” to be able to express what’s on my mind and in my heart. What I had felt from Curt, and later confirmed by Kimberly, is that the children come first and I come second. I am to cook, clean, do the laundry, help with homework, etc but when it comes to major or minor decisions, I have no input because I’m not the biological mother. We were not living according to God’s word. We hadn’t put God first, each other next, and then children. We were putting the children first, each other next, and only honoring God on Sundays at church. We were not living the life we had promised each other on our wedding day. Until we recognized it and rectified it, our home was not our haven. Since this discovery, Curt and I have made it a point to read the Bible together, to pray together, to give each other time to talk, really talk, each day, to include each other in the decision making processes whether it be a major or minor one, to honor each other’s role, and to put God first every day.

Ami’s vows:

“I take you, Curtis, to be my husband. With the greatest joy I come into my new life with you. Today, I am reminded of James 1:17 which says, ‘Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation of shifting shadow.’ Besides the gift of salvation, you are the most precious gift God has given me. I know that along with the new joys God has given me, I face new responsibilities that I cannot fulfill in my own strength. But by God’s grace and power working within me, I desire to be trustworthy as your wife, to serve and love you in all circumstances, to obey you, to allow God to use you to build His qualities in me, as long as God gives us life on this earth. I praise God continually for you, Curtis, and for your love and friendship.”

In rereading my vows to Curt, I realized that I hadn’t been serving and loving to him in ALL circumstances because there were many times I was bitter and had thoughts such as “I do so much for him and the kids, and no one notices or just take it for granted.” I definitely didn’t obey him and let him lead me as I had promised to do. My thoughts were “I’ve been doing this solo all these years and am perfectly capable of making decisions on my own, I don’t need him to tell me what to do.” I just couldn’t, or wouldn’t, submit as I’m instructed to do.

I certainly didn’t allow for God to work in Curt nor did I praise God daily for him. There were days when I asked, “Why me? What did I get myself into? Was I insane thinking I could be a decent step-mother?” These were the days when I cursed God and resented Him for answering my prayers.

When Curt and I finally recognized that we hadn’t been putting God first in our marriage, we changed our priorities. We now read the Bible and pray most every day, choose to communicate, love, honor, and obey each other daily. This is all very difficult when we all lead such busy lives! And it’s especially hard to love someone when he’s not being very lovable and it’s even harder to honor and obey someone, whom I’m mad at.

Two years, a lot of tears, a handful of fights, laughter, and some good times later we’re finally on the right path; the path that God has put us on and we’ve finally wised up and put Him first. Since that revelation our marriage has experienced tremendous growth, the children have felt more peace and love in the home, and I finally feel that I’m number 1 in my husband’s eyes and heart.