Farmville

Often when women become stepmothers, they believe they should behave like Julie Andrews in the movie "The Sound of Music." They expect instantly to be perfect caregivers and homemakers. Many assume that if they cook and care for stepkids daily, maybe even doing special things such as handcrafting clothing for the children, they'll soon be happily riding bikes with their stepchildren, singing and acting like one big happy family. You can blame Cinderella or the bad reputation that surrounds stepmothers. The reality about being a stepmother is that it's not easy, and it can be just as frightening for the person stepping into the role as it is for the child(ren) involved.

This is so true when it comes to my relationship with Kimberly. At best, it’s been tenuous. Until recently, we’ve not been able to find common ground. Over the weekend, we both discovered our love for Farmville on Facebook. I merely commented to Kimberly, in passing, that her farm was “lame” and our relationship has blossomed from joking remark. We spent the weekend in front of the computer planting, harvesting, buying, selling, planning her crops, etc. I’ve not had this much fun in a long time!

To most, this is such a trivial thing. To me, it’s huge! I’ve tried (and Kim has tried) over the past 3 years to find common ground with each other with no success. We seem to have taken one step forward and then two steps back. How frustrating and tiring!

I was amazed that Facebook brought me back in touch with my elementary school friends, I’m even more amazed that it fostered a blossoming relationship with my stepdaughter! I am honored that she trusts me enough to give me her Facebook password so I can farm for her while she’s at her mom’s house with no internet access.

Needless to say, her farm is prospering and her crops are growing nicely. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see the fruits of our labor when she’s back with us next week.

In doing my reading for this blog, I came across the statistic below as well as dos and don’ts that stepmoms may find helpful. By no means is it an easy job, however, patience, perseverance, a lot of praying, and the support of the father will help ease your burdens. I am extremely blessed that I have a loving husband who supports me.

“The number of stepmothers is growing, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, which reports that about 65 percent of remarriages involve children from a prior marriage, resulting in the formation of stepfamilies. Still research shows that stepmothers have the most negative image of any family member in a stepfamily situation, partly because they are often placed in roles that traditionally (and often falsely) rival that of the biological mother.”

Making it all work when there's a stepmother involved could be easier when stepmothers remember some practical dos and don'ts:

1. The more affection given to the stepchildren, the more success the stepmother is likely to have.

2. When a stepmother thinks about discipline, she should think about the word "disciple" instead. Teach your stepchildren gently and "explain" to them, instead of yelling and spanking.

3. Time is your ally. Realize that it may take time to develop a loving relationship with your stepchild.

4. Never say anything negative about a biological mother, no matter how merited it may be. Help the child find a solution to his or her problem if possible.

5. Don't try to prove that you are in charge by imposing your will.