New Year's Resolution

Tradition dictates that every 365 days, you should try to kick bad habits and start your life anew. A New Year's resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. The name comes from the fact that these commitments normally go into effect on New Year's Day. Some examples include resolutions to donate to the poor more often, to become more assertive, or to become more environmentally responsible.

My resolution was to be nice. Simple enough right? Wrong! Because I grew up with divorced parents who were not pleasant to each other and there were clear limits set between them, this is what I’ve come to know in my divorced life. I believe there need to be clear boundary lines between exes and new spouses. I don’t think it’s OK for exes to come into my house and make themselves comfortable. That is a lack of respect and clear boundaries. However, I noticed that not everyone grew up with these clear boundaries. For example, Curt’s ex wife (Brandi) grew up with exes and new significant others intermingling and it was no big deal. And it’s still not a big deal in her circle of knowledge.

Aside from Brandi making herself comfortable in my home, she and I have never had a good relationship; there has always been friction between us, mostly because I’ve taken offense to the many things she’s said and done. I’ve asked my husband how he can just let bygones be bygones?! He reminded me “For if you forgive their trespasses (their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment) your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Why does he have to be right?!

So, my New Year’s Resolution is to forgive and be nice. I have to admit though that this will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! Love thy enemies is never easy. But if I’m to live according to God’s words then I need to admit that I have sinned and confess my sins because He is faithful and just and will forgive my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.

The other person whom I’ve already started this process with is my ex husband’s wife (Jennifer). I’ve come to realize that he is horrible at communication and scheduling, and since she is a big part of my sons’ lives, I need to make more of an effort to communicate with her about schedules and coordinating activities. As I write this, we’ve had four positive interactions. Thank God for small miracles!

Pray for me this weekend, as this will be the first time I encounter Brandi since my New Year’s Resolution. Saint Augustine said, “Faith is to believe what we do not see…” So very true because the rewards for my pledge will probably not bear fruit for years to come or even in my lifetime. What I need to do is to rest in faith that my children's children will be blessed because I would have done what is right, no matter how awkward it may feel for me.