The Power of Prayer

The power of prayer should not be underestimated. James 5:16-18 declares, "…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” God most definitely listens to prayers, answers prayers, and moves in response to prayers. It is not the result of the person praying. Rather, the power resides in the God who is being prayed to. No matter the person praying, the passion behind the prayer, or the purpose of the prayer - God answers prayers that are in agreement with His will. His answers are not always yes, but are always in our best interest. When we pray passionately and purposefully, according to God's will, God responds powerfully!

We cannot access powerful prayer by using "magic formulas." Our prayers being answered is not based on the eloquence of our prayers. We don't have to use certain words or phrases to get God to answer our prayers. Prayer is communicating with God. God's help through the power of prayer is available for all kinds of requests and issues. Speak to God using your own words.

The Word of God is full of accounts describing the power of prayer in various situations. The power of prayer has overcome enemies (Psalm 6:9-10), conquered death (2 Kings 4:3-36), brought healing (James 5:14-15), and defeated demons (Mark 9:29). God, through prayer, opens eyes, changes hearts, heals wounds, and grants wisdom (James 1:5). The power of prayer should never be underestimated because it draws on the glory and might of the infinitely powerful God of the universe!

Recently, I witnessed the power of prayer in my life. When the only option available to me was separation and divorce, I sought the counsel and prayers of my pastors, members of the church leadership, friends, and colleagues to pray for me and my family. Not only did God hear those prayers, He answered them! I discovered that when my prayers lined up with His plans for me I started seeing the miracles I mentioned in my previous blog. I am grateful for the prayers from many people (as far away as Texas and Minnesota) interceding on my behalf. I know that ALL things are possible in God! And nothing is possible without prayer!

I still pray for God's miracle of healing... I pray for His will and I pray for His peace and I pray for His understanding. My own understanding may not come till I stand face to face with Him one day. It would make it easier now...but there are some things I won't know until I stand face to face with Him.

There are times when I get angry and I question Him. Why? Why now? Why this? Why not my time? But then I feel a gentle nudge and am reminded that nothing is too big for Him. There is nothing that He cannot do. I must trust in that and have faith that I am in His arms every single day. I couldn't face each day if He wasn't there. People keep telling me I’m strong but I know my strength only comes from Him.

Thank you ALL for your continued prayers and encouragement!

My Miracles

Marriage demands the giving of oneself to the other, and there can be no mutual benefit without mutual giving. A part of one's identity is surrendered for the larger identity. Marry to share the good and endure the bad with the one who love. Marriage must involve three persons: God, the husband, and the wife. Enter the marriage relationship fully realizing the lifelong commitment. For marriage to be the joyous relationship that God intended, the husband and wife must never take one another for granted. We must allow the light of love to endure within hearts that are open to a loving Father and His Son. Thoughtfulness, gratitude, and concern for one another must be ever present in a marriage.

God is a God of miracles. The last time I wrote, my marriage was on the verge of divorce and I didn’t know how to “fix” it. I prayed for a miracle and witnessed more than one miracle and found my God again. He restored my marriage and my family. He celebrated our 3rd anniversary with us last night and He will be there as we celebrate our last.

I started with me; restoring my one-on-one relationship between me and the Lord Jesus Christ. As a born-again believer, the success of my relationship with others is in direct correlation with the quality of my personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. When I am out of fellowship with the Lord due to my sin or mental attitudes that are contrary to divine viewpoint, I find that I am out of sorts with myself, first, and that spills over to my relationships with my husband and children. Therefore, restoring my relationship and fellowship with the Lord through agreeing with His viewpoint and resting in the forgiveness that is mine in Christ Jesus was the place I started at.

For the marriage relationship, the Bible has given me a very clear model that is opposite to the world's viewpoint. To restore a marriage relationship once forgiveness has been given and received, applying God's model will begin to bring the two separate parties into a God-honoring union. This requires a choice on the part of both parties.

God ordained the first marriage in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve as He ordained my marriage to Curt. When sin entered because of their disobedience, that perfect union was destroyed just as I let sin almost destroy my marriage and family. There is the human viewpoint that "all are equal." In a way, that is true. We all have equal access to salvation in Christ Jesus but to say that all in the world are equal in human opportunity, abilities or even power is naïve. God had a purpose for placing wives under the authority of their husbands. Because of sin, that rule has been both abused and chaffed under, and the result has brought chaos to the home and family which was what I did to my family by not walking with Him.


God's marriage model works, but it takes commitment on the part of both parties to create a relationship with a balance of each individual's obedience to God and walking in fellowship with the Lord. It does not happen overnight. And, usually, if a marriage relationship has broken down, there are issues that need to be forgiven and put behind in order to move forward, and, again, that takes a choice and a commitment. Walking in forgiveness and fellowship was a wonderful place to start to put the pieces back together again.

Curt, I, and the kids have a long ways to go yet. Nothing is “fixed” overnight. I know that I am a work in progress and will need daily fellowship with God to keep me on the right path. It won’t be easy, but I know He’s with me and the journey is worth it because my marriage and my life is the daily choice I make. I’ve witnessed Him work many miracles in my life and trust that only in Him can my marriage and family be restored.

I found the following the following practical rules to apply to my life on line:

~ Never both be angry at once.
~ Never talk at one another.
~ Never yell at one another, unless the house is on fire.
~ Let each one strive to yield more often to do the wishes of the other.
~ Let self-denial be the daily aim and practice of each.
~ Never taunt with a past mistake.
~ Neglect the whole world rather than one another.
~ Never make a remark at the expense of one another.
~ Never part for a day without kind words to think of during absence.
~ Never meet without a loving welcome.
~ Never let the sun go down on your wrath.
~ Never forget that marriage is ordained of God, and that His blessings alone can make it what it ought to be.

He Won’t Give Us More Than We Handle

I chuckled to myself as I realized God has a sense of humor. As I drove back and forth moving stuff to the apartment I realized that my stress level was pretty low. I had Friday off and there was no class on Thursday or Saturday which freed me up for packing, moving, and unpacking.

He knew. He knew that this would happen and He made it so it’s doable. Often I hear, “Wow, you must be busy” when I tell people how many children I have, work full time, and going to grad school. It can be busy but He wouldn’t give me more than I can handle.

At times I question God's promises. I don't think it's because of my lack of faith- it's more a lack of my understanding of why all of the craziness is happening in my life at that particular time. Over the past 6 weeks there has been more things happening in my personal life than I've felt that I could handle. I'll admit that I've been angry, bitter, depressed, and confused as to why everything has happened. One of the phrases I've heard time and time again from family and friends is that God never gives us more than we can handle.

I've never been ashamed or afraid to lean on God's promises in difficult times. Last night I decided to pull out my Bible and find what I had always assumed was somewhere in His word. "God will never give you more than you can handle."
First Corinthians 10:13 in the NKJV reads, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” This Scripture teaches us a powerful principle. If we belong to Him, God will not allow any difficulty to come into our lives that we are not capable of bearing.

So, anything that comes our way, anything that tempts us, any tragedy that befalls us—we are capable of overcoming it and achieving spiritual victory. That does not mean it will always be easy. Quite the contrary—the fact that we may need a “way of escape” indicates that God sometimes allows difficult trials to come into our lives. We may not believe that we can overcome it, we may doubt our own strength to prevail, and we may even fail in the temptation. That does not mean, though, that we are not capable of overcoming that particular temptation. Whether it is a temptation to sin or a temptation to doubt God, God promises that we will be able to overcome it.

But what does it mean to “overcome” trials? It means the trials do not overcome our faith or our position as children of God, and we come through the trials intact. Our eternal destiny is not in danger because we are kept by the Holy Spirit, who was given to us as a down payment on our salvation. No trial can overcome that because it is of God. Therefore, the child of God will stand firm through the trials and come out on the other side still in God’s hand. This is proof that our salvation is real and our reward in heaven awaits us. James assures us, “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

I know that God will work all things together for His glory and our good.

I know that no temptation is bigger than God.

I know that He is loving and safe.

How do I know that I'm not dealing with more than what I can handle? I'm sure other people have lived through and overcome bigger things than I'm wading through.
It's not that I don't trust Him. It's not that I love Him any less in the difficult times of life. I know that through doubt my faith is seeking understanding. It's not weakening, it's trying to grow.

Leadership

The leadership process is a total learning process. We all are leaders in our own way at different times in our lives. For example a father or mother with children, their children look to them for guidance. They also learn their values and about their culture through them. That is having leadership abilities. Friends look to each other for advice and different experiences that each of them have done. Some people perform leadership acts on the daily basis and don’t even realize it until they think about it or until someone brings it to their attention. That’s why it’s said that a part of learning about leadership is to always think about it.

In my personal life I’ve abused the power of my leadership position. Due to financial stress, no job stress, work stress, etc. I did not give my children and step-children guidance, love, and acceptance but rather, I ruled with an iron hand and it was my way or no way. I abused my position in the home because I could and now the effects are almost irreversible. As a leader, I also know it’s not time to give up, I have to keep fighting the good fight and for what is right. As a good leader I also need to know when to give in, when it’s no longer about the fight but is now about me.

In my opinion it is ironic that I am in a leadership program when in my personal life I have not been a good leader recently. Through my class discussions, personality quizzes, and various books I’ve read I have managed to figure out what kind of leader I am and what personality traits come into play when I’m in a leadership role, however, I have not yet figured out how to be a good leader through being a visionary or motivating people. This is because I usually don’t share my vision; I have a vision in my head but do not communicate it or communicate it well and trust that my followers will follow. I tend to keep it close to my heart and set out to accomplish the tasks myself to fulfill the vision. The road ahead will be long and arduous, filled with learning, but it’s a road worth traversing on.

Twelve Years Ago....

Twelve years ago I graduated from college and put away my backpack along with my diaries, senior paper, and my high school memory book that my mother had lovingly put together for me. A few nights ago I pulled out my backpack to get it ready for August 19, first night of school for the next few years, and found those items I had long packed away and had forgotten about. Looking at the memory book brought back many fond memories of times gone by, shared with many friends who have long moved on and many who I still share a deep and binding friendship that spans over 25 years.

Twelve years ago I didn’t imagine myself where I am today nor foresaw all of the people who have come in and out of my life. They say people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will bring the relationship to an end. In my 37 years, I’ve had various people who’ve come into my life for a reason; many I can see their face in my mind's eye but can’t recall their names. However, some do have lasting impact. Steve, my boss at Green Mill gave me my second son’s name. I am reminded of his impact on my life every time I’m asked where I got Jaden’s name. Connie, my ex step-mom taught me how to make a killer lasagna with cottage cheese instead of ricotta. Derek protected me when I needed it the most in high school. And Patrick taught me to love oven fired gourmet pizza and the value of hard work. Then over time they faded out of my life because the need has been met, the desire fulfilled, and their work is done. The prayer I sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Again, I have had the privilege of experiencing the season with some treasured friends. I moved to California during this season. Angelina came to be during this season. The many hands that helped me raise my children appeared during this time in my life. What I had thought was the darkest time of my life at the time, turned out to be more of a gift than I could ever repay. Upon reflection, I see how I also impacted the lives of many Kats; they were college students who needed someone to be on their side and fight for them, they needed a mother and a friend who would feed and listen to them without the nagging that they would get from their real mother.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. I am fortunate to say that I can count my lifetime relationship on both hands. I have friends I keep in touch with on a daily basis because I feel that a critical part of me is empty until I hear from them. They know what I’m thinking or wanting to say even before I say it. They understand and accept my teasing and can dish it right back without offending or being offended. A few others, I chat with every few months, but we always pick up where we left off. The comfort of that kind of relationship is amazing beyond words. These are also the friends I know who will be there with me til the end; ones who will comfort me and just let me cry; ones who will laugh at my ghetto stories and share their own; ones that will allow me to be myself and not judge. I have no doubt that these are the friends who will share the pains of child birth, child rearing, and rejoice with me in my children’s milestones as well as shed tears of joy and pain with me for many more years to come.

As I enter this new phase of my life, I am comforted in knowing that I have many friends encouraging me along the way and who will be there to congratulate me when I am Master Ami. Through my blogging, since we live in an electronic age, I’m hoping to leave my children with a legacy of many friends who will journey with them through the phases of their lives because friendships double their joys and divide their sorrows.

God's Voice

My commute times and shower times are the times I allow myself the luxury of thinking, analyzing, and communicating with God. They may not be the ideal settings, but it is a routine that has worked for me. Many more times than not I hear him. No, He doesn’t appear in a burning bush nor is He a booming voice from Heaven. I hear His words in my head; the quite, yet firm and gentle voice that all too often I mistake for my own conscience. However, if I’m honest with myself, I know who it is.

An instance of this phenomenon occurred last week when I heard, “You’re not done.” You see, I wanted nothing more than to be done! I have had enough; I was through trying to make it work. I felt that I had done everything I knew to do; have tried doing this or that. Have not done this or that. Have not said this or that. Have said this or that. I felt that I no longer knew who I was and I was losing myself in all of this trying! I was ready to be done. I had no more fight and no more try left in me.

This frustration and giving up of the flesh was a result of Curt having had a custody hearing that day because his ex wife is asking for full custody of the four kids. As a result of the hearing, we, are required to go to family counseling. Taking time away from work, using my sick time, taking kids out of school, driving 30to 45 minutes to the nearest Kaiser with a psychiatry department, and having to account for this cost in an already tight budget because the court required it?! I was done. I had no desire to continue in this marriage with no real promise of a happily ever after.

That was the selfish me talking. Legitimately, I had tried to make us into one big happy blended family and it just wasn’t working out. Legitimately, I could walk away from my marriage believing I had done everything I know to do. Legitimately, I had done my fair share and hadn’t given up at the first sign of trouble.

But again, this was me talking. This wasn’t His plan for me or my family. God had said, “You’re not done.” I knew then I needed to move forward and schedule the first counseling appointment. It is set for this Thursday first thing in the morning. God be with us as and help us discern your voice from our own as we navigate through these rough waters because the days, weeks, and months ahead will be trying for ALL.

God bless us everyone!

I recently wrote about my alone time and how much enjoyed it. However, today I spent the day with my sister-in-law’s husband’s family; the loud black family as they are lovingly referred to. There were sisters, brothers, mothers, aunts, uncles, husbands, nieces, nephews,friends, boyfriends, etc. These folks have grown up and grown old together; people who have gone through major life milestones such as marriages, births, divorces, and deaths together.

At dinner, over 50 people gathered around the long table and gave thanks to God.

At times like these I am reminded how much I enjoy having a big family as well as the benefits of having a large family. Many people will argue that children are at a disadvantage in a large family. Certainly children of large families are not indulged as often as their small family counterparts, but having the newest gadget, designer shoes, or their every whim met is not necessarily a bad thing. Even if one would view having to wear hand-me-downs, sharing a room, or putting up with a certain level of noise and a hectic household a negative thing, the truth is there are a good number of advantages to being a part of a large family, most which far surpass any "negatives.”

Consider how your family life benefits each of your children. How are your children strengthened to be better men and women through the give-and-take of growing up with several brothers and sisters?

• Work Ethic. My children have learned to work because there are always chores to do. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to clean up a mess even though they didn’t make it. Through their chores and their handling of responsibilities around the house, they contribute to the family's welfare. That is, every day they practice putting their powers up against problems for the service of others. Consequently they grow in self-knowledge (their strengths and limitations) and realistic self-confidence.

• Dependability. Related to this, they understand the real meaning of responsibility, that is, if we don't do our duty, someone else will suffer. So their moral development--moving from "self" to "others"--takes root more deeply. They grow to be givers, not takers.

• Conversation. Surrounded by siblings' banter and playful interaction, they enjoy constant intellectual stimulation. This strengthens and sharpens their judgment just as learning to say “no” may be the most valuable skill in this world. Having brothers and sisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s a good skill.

• Laughter. The children have learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings. They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when eight other people are doing it along with you. By and large, even with its ups and downs, the home of a large family is a happy place, a place of healthy fun. Good cheer, it seems, is livelier, more heartfelt, when shared with a crowd. All their lives, children from a large family remember the fun they had together, the sheer delight of being alive surrounded by love.

• Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you just give in to the youngest because you want a little quiet. Not all the time. But sometimes. Even their normal squabbles and spats, when refereed by parents, teach them lessons of fairness, sharing, splitting differences, letting others off the hook, forgiving and forgetting. This fortifies their moral standards, their lifelong conscience. (Friction, though irksome and tedious at times, has its uses; it rounds off rough edges, forms a smooth, resilient surface.)

• Wants and needs. Since their parents take care of their needs but cannot satisfy their whims (through lack of money and time), children learn the difference between desires and fundamentals. They learn to wait for what they want, or to work and earn it themselves. Thus they are spared the influence of instant gratification. They internalize the virtues of patience and honorable ambition. They grow to become self-reliant self-starters.

• Gender differences. Through interactions with their siblings, children more deeply understand gender differences. From their sisters, boys understand and appreciate femininity; from their brothers, girls understand and appreciate what's common among males. One of the mysteries of a large family is the startling differences siblings display in temperaments and talents and interests. By dealing with these differences among their siblings, children learn to get along with anyone. Having to share a bedroom and bathroom and space at the table prepares the children superbly for marriage and for life.

• Bond of affection. Older children play with the youngest ones, and thus form an attachment with them. Younger children receive love and learning from several older people, not just their parents. So older children are pulled out of their egos, and younger ones are surrounded by love.

• Patience. I never have to teach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them. Every, “Mom, where are you?” doesn’t always produce the desired response.

• Humility. My children have learned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t always get their way because other people have to get their way sometimes. They’ve also learned that some children are better at certain things than they are.

• Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching years of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And now with the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent.

• Competition. Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over who reads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroom first…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score.

• Support. Each child journeys through life enjoying the encouragement of his grown-up brothers and sisters. No matter what befalls them in life, your children will never be alone.

• Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as a family.

Someday my own family will gather around two picnic tables put together to praise God and to thank Him for his abundance. Perhaps then we will recognize and give thanks to Him for blessing all of us with a large family unit as well.