Five short years ago my boys were sheltered from toy guns because I saw no need for them to PLAY with something meant to cause death and destruction.
Then we moved into our house. The house came with excellent neighbors, but with the neighbors came toy guns. My sons loved them -- the neighbors AND the guns.
What was I to do? If I banned toy guns all together, my sons would be left out of most neighborhood games. And even if I banned them, the damage was done: They had seen the guns and each wanted one.
I was advised by friends to not make it a big deal. Make it big deal, they said, and you'll only make things worse.
So I nervously watched while my innocent children played guns. I research the pros and cons of toy guns and breathed a sigh of relief a few days later when I wrapped it up. And after days of intense interest, the plastic guns lay forgotten next to the toy box while my sons once again watched the Disney channel.
If only I was to be so lucky.
The same sons are now 10 and 9 (along with their step-brother Jonathan who is 11) enjoy movies that have anything to do with lots of action and shooting the bad guys. They also have a BB guns, pellet guns, Nerf guns, and enjoy shooting targets at Cub Scout camps or down at the creek. One of their most favorite activities is to play war with Nerf guns in the dark. There is so much laughter and screaming it would give any mother a headache! Did I mention that it sounds like a herd of elephants upstairs too?
So no -- I don't have any advice for steering little boys away from guns. I do have some reassuring words, though. A fascination with guns does not mean your son is going to turn into a crazed homicidal maniac. It doesn't mean that your son is someday going to shoot up his school. It doesn't even mean he'll become a hunter.
In the world of hot parenting topics, boys and imaginary gunplay rank at the top. In a culture already filled with violent video games, TV programs, and images of a real war, it can be unnerving to see an innocent child pretending to kill someone. Yet no study has yet linked pretend gunplay to future violent behavior, and most child experts agree that by forbidding gunplay entirely, parents give it far more power and will probably drive it underground.
Assuming you’re willing to take their word for it, what should you do? How can you allow your kids to “experiment” and use their imagination, guns blazing, without losing your cool? Here are a few tips:
• Shaming Is Never Helpful. Despite our potential discomfort, we must be careful in how we deal with boys who want to play with pretend guns. “The last thing you want to do is shame your child – because that leads boys to mask their feelings and act with false bravado” warns William Pollack, Ph.D., author of Real Boys. Instead, ask open-ended questions about the gunplay, and even play along to better understand your child’s perspective.
• Clarify Your Values. A child participating in gunplay is usually yearning to understand power in relationships. By killing the “bad guys” he can, in his mind, exert some control over his world.
• Gun play helps boys learn the difference between real violence and fantasy violence. So says a study published in the American Journal of Play. Boys, as we've discussed before, are biologically prone to aggression. Pretend gun play gives them a chance to experiment with aggression and power without actually hurting anyone. It also gives them the chance to play the hero.
• Playing with guns helps boys develop a sense of their masculinity. I know -- I'm doubtful about this one too. But the author of the same study suggests that "boys play with guns is, in part, an important test or proof of their masculinity."
• Gun play helps boys process real violence. Nancy Carlsson-Paige, co-author of, Who's Calling the Shots? How to Respond Effectively to Children's Fascination with War Play and War Toys, says "If parents 'ban' gun play, they run the risk of cutting off a valuable vehicle children need for processing the violence [because] kids use their play to make meaning of what they have experienced in life, and in this case, of the violence they have seen." (Which can include everything from cartoons to TV shows, video games, and books.)
Take a deep breath and realize this is a stage, like any other. It doesn’t mean your child is destined for a life of crime. Curiosity and vulnerability often lie underneath our sons’ “Bang, Bang” bravado. This may be helpful to remember next time there’s a finger pointed in your direction.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Grad School Tips to Keep You Sane
One of the biggest challenges grad students face is dealing with the number of demands coming at them from different directions: class work, assignments, reading - combine that for some students with working full- or part-time, being married, and raising a family. As a grad student, wife, mother, friend, volunteer, taxi cab driver, daughter, sister, neighbor, etc. I’ve found that I’ve needed to set priorities and needed to relax in other areas like having a completely clean house. I’ve also reduced my cooking down to 3 or 4 days a week, the rest of the week are for left overs, frozen pizza, and popcorn chicken.
Keep healthy: While in grad school, it is essential that you take care of yourself physically, emotional and mentally; I recommend massages. Assess your energy level. If you are not getting enough sleep then you will not be able to retain as much information; I go to bed by 11. Graduate school faculty and administrators recommend that you try to keep some balance in your life while doing your graduate studies. Keep your perspective by getting enough rest, exercise, and eating a healthy diet; all easier said than done!
Schedule family time: Manage your time wisely because it will determine your success or failure. Some students find it helpful to schedule a regularly occurring date with their family and keep it no matter what; I plan time with husband around business trips. Be honest with your children and spouse about the amount of time you have available to them; this sometimes require you to drop what you’re doing to play a game of HORSE or to cuddle. Answering their questions and taking time to explain the situation can go a long way.
Get to know people: Make friends with the other students in your classes - these people are facing the same challenges you are. Create a support system among your classmates (Facebook is an awesome tool). You will find the reassurance, reminders and interaction that you get from the other students to be invaluable. The ability to establish good working relationships with your fellow students and faculty are also important. Every single person in your class is a potential contact in your field. You will need these contacts later as your career and experience develop.
Be organized: In graduate school, you are expected to attend classes. If you miss even one, you'll have a huge amount of work to catch up on. Plenty of learning in graduate studies comes from experiences rather than what you learn in class and read in your texts. But still be prepared to do considerably more reading and research than your undergrad experience. Learn to be organized. Have time and task management systems prepared ahead of time. Get a daytimer (since this is almost obsolete, most of us now use our smart phones), calendar or PDA that allows you to plug in deadlines, group meetings, family obligations, volunteer work, or mentoring/tutoring time. I have my calendar on my phone, at my desk at work, and at my desk at home. I know, I’ve been told I’m an obsessive compulsive.
Approach your studies with the right attitude: Think of graduate school as a job, rather than school. Take initiative in advancing your own skills and learning, much like in a job. Be prepared for more work and less fun than your undergrad years, but the learning will be more fulfilling. The main difference between graduate studies and undergrad is that you will actually apply what you've been learning in many different ways throughout the classes. If I'm honest, I must confess that I hope it brings in the prestige and big bucks!
As grad students we face many pressures. There are even more demands on time for those students with families and jobs. Reading, group meetings, and expectations of faculty are just a few of the pressures. Staying focused and being persistent are important skills needed to be successful in graduate school. We already have the intelligence and initiative.
Keep healthy: While in grad school, it is essential that you take care of yourself physically, emotional and mentally; I recommend massages. Assess your energy level. If you are not getting enough sleep then you will not be able to retain as much information; I go to bed by 11. Graduate school faculty and administrators recommend that you try to keep some balance in your life while doing your graduate studies. Keep your perspective by getting enough rest, exercise, and eating a healthy diet; all easier said than done!
Schedule family time: Manage your time wisely because it will determine your success or failure. Some students find it helpful to schedule a regularly occurring date with their family and keep it no matter what; I plan time with husband around business trips. Be honest with your children and spouse about the amount of time you have available to them; this sometimes require you to drop what you’re doing to play a game of HORSE or to cuddle. Answering their questions and taking time to explain the situation can go a long way.
Get to know people: Make friends with the other students in your classes - these people are facing the same challenges you are. Create a support system among your classmates (Facebook is an awesome tool). You will find the reassurance, reminders and interaction that you get from the other students to be invaluable. The ability to establish good working relationships with your fellow students and faculty are also important. Every single person in your class is a potential contact in your field. You will need these contacts later as your career and experience develop.
Be organized: In graduate school, you are expected to attend classes. If you miss even one, you'll have a huge amount of work to catch up on. Plenty of learning in graduate studies comes from experiences rather than what you learn in class and read in your texts. But still be prepared to do considerably more reading and research than your undergrad experience. Learn to be organized. Have time and task management systems prepared ahead of time. Get a daytimer (since this is almost obsolete, most of us now use our smart phones), calendar or PDA that allows you to plug in deadlines, group meetings, family obligations, volunteer work, or mentoring/tutoring time. I have my calendar on my phone, at my desk at work, and at my desk at home. I know, I’ve been told I’m an obsessive compulsive.
Approach your studies with the right attitude: Think of graduate school as a job, rather than school. Take initiative in advancing your own skills and learning, much like in a job. Be prepared for more work and less fun than your undergrad years, but the learning will be more fulfilling. The main difference between graduate studies and undergrad is that you will actually apply what you've been learning in many different ways throughout the classes. If I'm honest, I must confess that I hope it brings in the prestige and big bucks!
As grad students we face many pressures. There are even more demands on time for those students with families and jobs. Reading, group meetings, and expectations of faculty are just a few of the pressures. Staying focused and being persistent are important skills needed to be successful in graduate school. We already have the intelligence and initiative.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Resolve to Laugh More in 2011
Research shows that laughter, the physiological response to humor, has a beneficial impact on one’s health. A good belly laugh leads to muscle relaxation, resulting in decreased tension. Humor also reduces the levels of stress hormones found in the blood — stress hormones can weaken the immune system, leading to increased potential for illness. To top it off, studies have shown that watching a 60-minute comedy can sufficiently increase immunoglobulin A, which protects against upper respiratory problems and increases the number of natural killer cells that seek out and destroy tumor cells in the body. Laughter has also been associated with pain reduction. It is theorized that this is due to the production of endorphins, the body’s natural pain killer, coupled with muscle relaxation.
In 2011, I have resolve to try and look at life’s frustrating and stressful situations with an eye for how I can re-frame and see the humor in the situation. With introspection, I realize that most of the time, I keep telling myself, “Let her (my7years old who dresses like Punky Brewster-Google and have yourself a good laugh) wear what she wants, someday, you’ll look back on this laugh.” One day I’ll look through these pictures of the many phases of Angelina’s attire and smile at the fond memories. Though, for the most part she’s a “mini me”, I find that I no longer have any say when it comes to her attire; she has her own sense of style and no one can teach her differently, though Christen and I have tirelessly and patiently tried. I picture myself someday telling these stories to my friends, family, and grandchildren, throw in a few added embellishments, and I can give myself and those around me more to laugh about.
So, if you’re not naturally funny, how can you go about adding fun, laughter, and happiness into your life? These health tips can help you develop your sense of humor!
• Hang funny cartoons or pictures where they will be a constant visual cue to smile (on the refrigerator, over your work desk, next to your bed).
• Find a good joke book at your library or bookstore, or search for jokes on the Internet. Learn one or two good ones and practice them on your friends. Schedule a joke night with family where everyone must tell a joke at dinner.
• Rent some funny movies.
• Try to see the humor in your own situation as much as possible.
• Laugh at yourself!
By the way, a doctor was reviewing his patient’s test results and called the patient’s wife to tell her of his findings. “Your husband is a very sick man — his cholesterol and blood pressure are very high and his diabetes is out of control. Unless you do what I tell you he will be dead in six months”.
“What should I do?” she asks.
“Remove all stress from his life, keep the house spotlessly clean, cook him three nutritious meals a day and have sex with him whenever he wants.”
The wife hung up the phone and said to her husband: “That was Dr. Smith with your test results.”
“What did he say?”
“He said you’re going to die.”
In 2011, I have resolve to try and look at life’s frustrating and stressful situations with an eye for how I can re-frame and see the humor in the situation. With introspection, I realize that most of the time, I keep telling myself, “Let her (my7years old who dresses like Punky Brewster-Google and have yourself a good laugh) wear what she wants, someday, you’ll look back on this laugh.” One day I’ll look through these pictures of the many phases of Angelina’s attire and smile at the fond memories. Though, for the most part she’s a “mini me”, I find that I no longer have any say when it comes to her attire; she has her own sense of style and no one can teach her differently, though Christen and I have tirelessly and patiently tried. I picture myself someday telling these stories to my friends, family, and grandchildren, throw in a few added embellishments, and I can give myself and those around me more to laugh about.
So, if you’re not naturally funny, how can you go about adding fun, laughter, and happiness into your life? These health tips can help you develop your sense of humor!
• Hang funny cartoons or pictures where they will be a constant visual cue to smile (on the refrigerator, over your work desk, next to your bed).
• Find a good joke book at your library or bookstore, or search for jokes on the Internet. Learn one or two good ones and practice them on your friends. Schedule a joke night with family where everyone must tell a joke at dinner.
• Rent some funny movies.
• Try to see the humor in your own situation as much as possible.
• Laugh at yourself!
By the way, a doctor was reviewing his patient’s test results and called the patient’s wife to tell her of his findings. “Your husband is a very sick man — his cholesterol and blood pressure are very high and his diabetes is out of control. Unless you do what I tell you he will be dead in six months”.
“What should I do?” she asks.
“Remove all stress from his life, keep the house spotlessly clean, cook him three nutritious meals a day and have sex with him whenever he wants.”
The wife hung up the phone and said to her husband: “That was Dr. Smith with your test results.”
“What did he say?”
“He said you’re going to die.”
Monday, January 3, 2011
For my mother
What is a single mother? Is she a woman with much strength and love or pain and fear? Maybe she's the devil in disguise or perhaps the angel beneath the pain.
Could she be a single woman of much style and grace?
One thing is for certain; no one can understand what a single mother is unless they experience the feeling themselves. A single mother is a woman who is filled with everlasting, unconditional love, and words of wisdom to guide the way through life.
A single mother doesn't receive much credit today for the way she dedicates her life to working long hard hours and making time in her busy schedule to take care of what is hers. She goes through life trying so hard to do her best for her child, yet sometimes she feels as if the world is caving in.
I've had a single mother for thirty years of my life. It wasn't easy. I had to grow up quicker than most kids so that I could help my mother. Thoughts of not having a father became an issue from time to time, but today I wouldn't change it for the world!
When I was a little girl and I fell and scraped my knee; good old mom was there to doctor me up with her tender touch and loving care. She tucked me into bed at night and rubbed my belly when I was sick.
When the time came to cry, my mom had a way of showing me how to take my hanging head and hold it up high and proud. As adulthood moved in and romance became a part of my life, mother was often needed.
I fell in love and he broke my heart. I ran to my mother and poured out all my pain. I couldn't seem to conquer the fear of moving on and tears fell like the rain pouring down on a dark, gloomy day, but mom was always there.
She taught me how to disregard my fears, and she calmed my cries by showing me that life goes on. She told me "You have to accept what has gone wrong, forgive him and yourself and move on."
Some say a mother is one who bears children, one who cooks and cleans and that's all she is here for. For me, she's the soothing of the soul and the healing of the heart.
A mother: a kind-hearted woman with much strength, wisdom, and integrity.
Could she be a single woman of much style and grace?
One thing is for certain; no one can understand what a single mother is unless they experience the feeling themselves. A single mother is a woman who is filled with everlasting, unconditional love, and words of wisdom to guide the way through life.
A single mother doesn't receive much credit today for the way she dedicates her life to working long hard hours and making time in her busy schedule to take care of what is hers. She goes through life trying so hard to do her best for her child, yet sometimes she feels as if the world is caving in.
I've had a single mother for thirty years of my life. It wasn't easy. I had to grow up quicker than most kids so that I could help my mother. Thoughts of not having a father became an issue from time to time, but today I wouldn't change it for the world!
When I was a little girl and I fell and scraped my knee; good old mom was there to doctor me up with her tender touch and loving care. She tucked me into bed at night and rubbed my belly when I was sick.
When the time came to cry, my mom had a way of showing me how to take my hanging head and hold it up high and proud. As adulthood moved in and romance became a part of my life, mother was often needed.
I fell in love and he broke my heart. I ran to my mother and poured out all my pain. I couldn't seem to conquer the fear of moving on and tears fell like the rain pouring down on a dark, gloomy day, but mom was always there.
She taught me how to disregard my fears, and she calmed my cries by showing me that life goes on. She told me "You have to accept what has gone wrong, forgive him and yourself and move on."
Some say a mother is one who bears children, one who cooks and cleans and that's all she is here for. For me, she's the soothing of the soul and the healing of the heart.
A mother: a kind-hearted woman with much strength, wisdom, and integrity.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The Power of Prayer
The power of prayer should not be underestimated. James 5:16-18 declares, "…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” God most definitely listens to prayers, answers prayers, and moves in response to prayers. It is not the result of the person praying. Rather, the power resides in the God who is being prayed to. No matter the person praying, the passion behind the prayer, or the purpose of the prayer - God answers prayers that are in agreement with His will. His answers are not always yes, but are always in our best interest. When we pray passionately and purposefully, according to God's will, God responds powerfully!
We cannot access powerful prayer by using "magic formulas." Our prayers being answered is not based on the eloquence of our prayers. We don't have to use certain words or phrases to get God to answer our prayers. Prayer is communicating with God. God's help through the power of prayer is available for all kinds of requests and issues. Speak to God using your own words.
The Word of God is full of accounts describing the power of prayer in various situations. The power of prayer has overcome enemies (Psalm 6:9-10), conquered death (2 Kings 4:3-36), brought healing (James 5:14-15), and defeated demons (Mark 9:29). God, through prayer, opens eyes, changes hearts, heals wounds, and grants wisdom (James 1:5). The power of prayer should never be underestimated because it draws on the glory and might of the infinitely powerful God of the universe!
Recently, I witnessed the power of prayer in my life. When the only option available to me was separation and divorce, I sought the counsel and prayers of my pastors, members of the church leadership, friends, and colleagues to pray for me and my family. Not only did God hear those prayers, He answered them! I discovered that when my prayers lined up with His plans for me I started seeing the miracles I mentioned in my previous blog. I am grateful for the prayers from many people (as far away as Texas and Minnesota) interceding on my behalf. I know that ALL things are possible in God! And nothing is possible without prayer!
I still pray for God's miracle of healing... I pray for His will and I pray for His peace and I pray for His understanding. My own understanding may not come till I stand face to face with Him one day. It would make it easier now...but there are some things I won't know until I stand face to face with Him.
There are times when I get angry and I question Him. Why? Why now? Why this? Why not my time? But then I feel a gentle nudge and am reminded that nothing is too big for Him. There is nothing that He cannot do. I must trust in that and have faith that I am in His arms every single day. I couldn't face each day if He wasn't there. People keep telling me I’m strong but I know my strength only comes from Him.
Thank you ALL for your continued prayers and encouragement!
We cannot access powerful prayer by using "magic formulas." Our prayers being answered is not based on the eloquence of our prayers. We don't have to use certain words or phrases to get God to answer our prayers. Prayer is communicating with God. God's help through the power of prayer is available for all kinds of requests and issues. Speak to God using your own words.
The Word of God is full of accounts describing the power of prayer in various situations. The power of prayer has overcome enemies (Psalm 6:9-10), conquered death (2 Kings 4:3-36), brought healing (James 5:14-15), and defeated demons (Mark 9:29). God, through prayer, opens eyes, changes hearts, heals wounds, and grants wisdom (James 1:5). The power of prayer should never be underestimated because it draws on the glory and might of the infinitely powerful God of the universe!
Recently, I witnessed the power of prayer in my life. When the only option available to me was separation and divorce, I sought the counsel and prayers of my pastors, members of the church leadership, friends, and colleagues to pray for me and my family. Not only did God hear those prayers, He answered them! I discovered that when my prayers lined up with His plans for me I started seeing the miracles I mentioned in my previous blog. I am grateful for the prayers from many people (as far away as Texas and Minnesota) interceding on my behalf. I know that ALL things are possible in God! And nothing is possible without prayer!
I still pray for God's miracle of healing... I pray for His will and I pray for His peace and I pray for His understanding. My own understanding may not come till I stand face to face with Him one day. It would make it easier now...but there are some things I won't know until I stand face to face with Him.
There are times when I get angry and I question Him. Why? Why now? Why this? Why not my time? But then I feel a gentle nudge and am reminded that nothing is too big for Him. There is nothing that He cannot do. I must trust in that and have faith that I am in His arms every single day. I couldn't face each day if He wasn't there. People keep telling me I’m strong but I know my strength only comes from Him.
Thank you ALL for your continued prayers and encouragement!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
My Miracles
Marriage demands the giving of oneself to the other, and there can be no mutual benefit without mutual giving. A part of one's identity is surrendered for the larger identity. Marry to share the good and endure the bad with the one who love. Marriage must involve three persons: God, the husband, and the wife. Enter the marriage relationship fully realizing the lifelong commitment. For marriage to be the joyous relationship that God intended, the husband and wife must never take one another for granted. We must allow the light of love to endure within hearts that are open to a loving Father and His Son. Thoughtfulness, gratitude, and concern for one another must be ever present in a marriage.
God is a God of miracles. The last time I wrote, my marriage was on the verge of divorce and I didn’t know how to “fix” it. I prayed for a miracle and witnessed more than one miracle and found my God again. He restored my marriage and my family. He celebrated our 3rd anniversary with us last night and He will be there as we celebrate our last.
I started with me; restoring my one-on-one relationship between me and the Lord Jesus Christ. As a born-again believer, the success of my relationship with others is in direct correlation with the quality of my personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. When I am out of fellowship with the Lord due to my sin or mental attitudes that are contrary to divine viewpoint, I find that I am out of sorts with myself, first, and that spills over to my relationships with my husband and children. Therefore, restoring my relationship and fellowship with the Lord through agreeing with His viewpoint and resting in the forgiveness that is mine in Christ Jesus was the place I started at.
For the marriage relationship, the Bible has given me a very clear model that is opposite to the world's viewpoint. To restore a marriage relationship once forgiveness has been given and received, applying God's model will begin to bring the two separate parties into a God-honoring union. This requires a choice on the part of both parties.
God ordained the first marriage in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve as He ordained my marriage to Curt. When sin entered because of their disobedience, that perfect union was destroyed just as I let sin almost destroy my marriage and family. There is the human viewpoint that "all are equal." In a way, that is true. We all have equal access to salvation in Christ Jesus but to say that all in the world are equal in human opportunity, abilities or even power is naïve. God had a purpose for placing wives under the authority of their husbands. Because of sin, that rule has been both abused and chaffed under, and the result has brought chaos to the home and family which was what I did to my family by not walking with Him.
God's marriage model works, but it takes commitment on the part of both parties to create a relationship with a balance of each individual's obedience to God and walking in fellowship with the Lord. It does not happen overnight. And, usually, if a marriage relationship has broken down, there are issues that need to be forgiven and put behind in order to move forward, and, again, that takes a choice and a commitment. Walking in forgiveness and fellowship was a wonderful place to start to put the pieces back together again.
Curt, I, and the kids have a long ways to go yet. Nothing is “fixed” overnight. I know that I am a work in progress and will need daily fellowship with God to keep me on the right path. It won’t be easy, but I know He’s with me and the journey is worth it because my marriage and my life is the daily choice I make. I’ve witnessed Him work many miracles in my life and trust that only in Him can my marriage and family be restored.
I found the following the following practical rules to apply to my life on line:
~ Never both be angry at once.
~ Never talk at one another.
~ Never yell at one another, unless the house is on fire.
~ Let each one strive to yield more often to do the wishes of the other.
~ Let self-denial be the daily aim and practice of each.
~ Never taunt with a past mistake.
~ Neglect the whole world rather than one another.
~ Never make a remark at the expense of one another.
~ Never part for a day without kind words to think of during absence.
~ Never meet without a loving welcome.
~ Never let the sun go down on your wrath.
~ Never forget that marriage is ordained of God, and that His blessings alone can make it what it ought to be.
God is a God of miracles. The last time I wrote, my marriage was on the verge of divorce and I didn’t know how to “fix” it. I prayed for a miracle and witnessed more than one miracle and found my God again. He restored my marriage and my family. He celebrated our 3rd anniversary with us last night and He will be there as we celebrate our last.
I started with me; restoring my one-on-one relationship between me and the Lord Jesus Christ. As a born-again believer, the success of my relationship with others is in direct correlation with the quality of my personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. When I am out of fellowship with the Lord due to my sin or mental attitudes that are contrary to divine viewpoint, I find that I am out of sorts with myself, first, and that spills over to my relationships with my husband and children. Therefore, restoring my relationship and fellowship with the Lord through agreeing with His viewpoint and resting in the forgiveness that is mine in Christ Jesus was the place I started at.
For the marriage relationship, the Bible has given me a very clear model that is opposite to the world's viewpoint. To restore a marriage relationship once forgiveness has been given and received, applying God's model will begin to bring the two separate parties into a God-honoring union. This requires a choice on the part of both parties.
God ordained the first marriage in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve as He ordained my marriage to Curt. When sin entered because of their disobedience, that perfect union was destroyed just as I let sin almost destroy my marriage and family. There is the human viewpoint that "all are equal." In a way, that is true. We all have equal access to salvation in Christ Jesus but to say that all in the world are equal in human opportunity, abilities or even power is naïve. God had a purpose for placing wives under the authority of their husbands. Because of sin, that rule has been both abused and chaffed under, and the result has brought chaos to the home and family which was what I did to my family by not walking with Him.
God's marriage model works, but it takes commitment on the part of both parties to create a relationship with a balance of each individual's obedience to God and walking in fellowship with the Lord. It does not happen overnight. And, usually, if a marriage relationship has broken down, there are issues that need to be forgiven and put behind in order to move forward, and, again, that takes a choice and a commitment. Walking in forgiveness and fellowship was a wonderful place to start to put the pieces back together again.
Curt, I, and the kids have a long ways to go yet. Nothing is “fixed” overnight. I know that I am a work in progress and will need daily fellowship with God to keep me on the right path. It won’t be easy, but I know He’s with me and the journey is worth it because my marriage and my life is the daily choice I make. I’ve witnessed Him work many miracles in my life and trust that only in Him can my marriage and family be restored.
I found the following the following practical rules to apply to my life on line:
~ Never both be angry at once.
~ Never talk at one another.
~ Never yell at one another, unless the house is on fire.
~ Let each one strive to yield more often to do the wishes of the other.
~ Let self-denial be the daily aim and practice of each.
~ Never taunt with a past mistake.
~ Neglect the whole world rather than one another.
~ Never make a remark at the expense of one another.
~ Never part for a day without kind words to think of during absence.
~ Never meet without a loving welcome.
~ Never let the sun go down on your wrath.
~ Never forget that marriage is ordained of God, and that His blessings alone can make it what it ought to be.
Monday, September 27, 2010
He Won’t Give Us More Than We Handle
I chuckled to myself as I realized God has a sense of humor. As I drove back and forth moving stuff to the apartment I realized that my stress level was pretty low. I had Friday off and there was no class on Thursday or Saturday which freed me up for packing, moving, and unpacking.
He knew. He knew that this would happen and He made it so it’s doable. Often I hear, “Wow, you must be busy” when I tell people how many children I have, work full time, and going to grad school. It can be busy but He wouldn’t give me more than I can handle.
At times I question God's promises. I don't think it's because of my lack of faith- it's more a lack of my understanding of why all of the craziness is happening in my life at that particular time. Over the past 6 weeks there has been more things happening in my personal life than I've felt that I could handle. I'll admit that I've been angry, bitter, depressed, and confused as to why everything has happened. One of the phrases I've heard time and time again from family and friends is that God never gives us more than we can handle.
I've never been ashamed or afraid to lean on God's promises in difficult times. Last night I decided to pull out my Bible and find what I had always assumed was somewhere in His word. "God will never give you more than you can handle."
First Corinthians 10:13 in the NKJV reads, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” This Scripture teaches us a powerful principle. If we belong to Him, God will not allow any difficulty to come into our lives that we are not capable of bearing.
So, anything that comes our way, anything that tempts us, any tragedy that befalls us—we are capable of overcoming it and achieving spiritual victory. That does not mean it will always be easy. Quite the contrary—the fact that we may need a “way of escape” indicates that God sometimes allows difficult trials to come into our lives. We may not believe that we can overcome it, we may doubt our own strength to prevail, and we may even fail in the temptation. That does not mean, though, that we are not capable of overcoming that particular temptation. Whether it is a temptation to sin or a temptation to doubt God, God promises that we will be able to overcome it.
But what does it mean to “overcome” trials? It means the trials do not overcome our faith or our position as children of God, and we come through the trials intact. Our eternal destiny is not in danger because we are kept by the Holy Spirit, who was given to us as a down payment on our salvation. No trial can overcome that because it is of God. Therefore, the child of God will stand firm through the trials and come out on the other side still in God’s hand. This is proof that our salvation is real and our reward in heaven awaits us. James assures us, “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”
I know that God will work all things together for His glory and our good.
I know that no temptation is bigger than God.
I know that He is loving and safe.
How do I know that I'm not dealing with more than what I can handle? I'm sure other people have lived through and overcome bigger things than I'm wading through.
It's not that I don't trust Him. It's not that I love Him any less in the difficult times of life. I know that through doubt my faith is seeking understanding. It's not weakening, it's trying to grow.
He knew. He knew that this would happen and He made it so it’s doable. Often I hear, “Wow, you must be busy” when I tell people how many children I have, work full time, and going to grad school. It can be busy but He wouldn’t give me more than I can handle.
At times I question God's promises. I don't think it's because of my lack of faith- it's more a lack of my understanding of why all of the craziness is happening in my life at that particular time. Over the past 6 weeks there has been more things happening in my personal life than I've felt that I could handle. I'll admit that I've been angry, bitter, depressed, and confused as to why everything has happened. One of the phrases I've heard time and time again from family and friends is that God never gives us more than we can handle.
I've never been ashamed or afraid to lean on God's promises in difficult times. Last night I decided to pull out my Bible and find what I had always assumed was somewhere in His word. "God will never give you more than you can handle."
First Corinthians 10:13 in the NKJV reads, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” This Scripture teaches us a powerful principle. If we belong to Him, God will not allow any difficulty to come into our lives that we are not capable of bearing.
So, anything that comes our way, anything that tempts us, any tragedy that befalls us—we are capable of overcoming it and achieving spiritual victory. That does not mean it will always be easy. Quite the contrary—the fact that we may need a “way of escape” indicates that God sometimes allows difficult trials to come into our lives. We may not believe that we can overcome it, we may doubt our own strength to prevail, and we may even fail in the temptation. That does not mean, though, that we are not capable of overcoming that particular temptation. Whether it is a temptation to sin or a temptation to doubt God, God promises that we will be able to overcome it.
But what does it mean to “overcome” trials? It means the trials do not overcome our faith or our position as children of God, and we come through the trials intact. Our eternal destiny is not in danger because we are kept by the Holy Spirit, who was given to us as a down payment on our salvation. No trial can overcome that because it is of God. Therefore, the child of God will stand firm through the trials and come out on the other side still in God’s hand. This is proof that our salvation is real and our reward in heaven awaits us. James assures us, “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”
I know that God will work all things together for His glory and our good.
I know that no temptation is bigger than God.
I know that He is loving and safe.
How do I know that I'm not dealing with more than what I can handle? I'm sure other people have lived through and overcome bigger things than I'm wading through.
It's not that I don't trust Him. It's not that I love Him any less in the difficult times of life. I know that through doubt my faith is seeking understanding. It's not weakening, it's trying to grow.
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